Search Results for "logical impossibilities"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 19

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2008's comic on:

Tags #failed to accomplish.objectives, #physical impossiblities, #logical impossibilities, #unforeseen problems, #spying, #consumer fraud, #win converstaion

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Why have you failed to accomplish any of your objectives this quarter?" Dilbert says, "Well, I took the objectives you gave me and put them into three categories." Dilbert says, "The first group includes physical impossibilities, such as being in two places at the same time." Dilbert says, "The second group includes logical impossibilities, such as anticipating unforeseen problems." Dilbert says, "Last, we have the illegal objectives, including industrial spying and consumer fraud." Dilbert says, "So I spend my time doing things that are both important and legal, while hoping you wouldn't fire me for it." Dilbert says, "Whoa, what just happened? Is it my imagination, or did I just win this conversation?" Dilbert says, "It was my imagination."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #invention, #logical, #creative, #engineer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a table examining a device. Dilbert says, "I'm afraid I'll never figure out how to make my invention work." Dogbert says, "You are too logical. Use the right side of your brain." Dilbert says, "Hmm . . . Yes, I must call on my creative side . . ." Dilbert puts the gadget on the table, hangs his head and says, "Now it doesn't work AND I want to cry."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #logical, #conclusion, #scientific, #method, #science, #based

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Dilbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method." Dogbert replies, "But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called 'time' and 'cause and effect' exist." Dilbert says angrily, "That's what I was taught and that's what I believe." Dogbert replies, "Sounds cultish."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #ratbert, #weight, #universe, #collapsed, #existence, #thimble, #space, #logical, #flaw, #theory

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk explaining to Ratbert, "Then, Ratbert, the weight of the universe collapsed in on itself until all of existence could fit into a thimble!" Ratbert asks, "Why would there be a thimble in space?" Dilbert replies, "Uh . . . There wouldn't . . ." Ratbert says, "Boy, it didn't take long to spot the gaping logical flaw in that theory."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #complain, #vote, #logical, #bumper

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, ". . . And people who don't bother to vote have no right to complain." Dogbert asks, "Why not?" Dilbert replies, "Why not? It's obvious. No vote means no right to complain. You can't get much more logical than that." Dilbert says, "Besides, that's how I was raised." Dogbert asks, "You were raised by bumper stickers?"

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 1997's comic on:

Tags #excellent negotiator, #insulted, #need help, #negotiator, #relentlessly irrational, #too logical, #telecommuting

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I need your help to negotiate with my boss for more telecommuting days." Dogbert replies, "I'm too logical to be a good negotiator. You need someone who is relentlessly irrational." Dilbert tells Ratbert, "Dogbert says you're an excellent negotiator, Ratbert." Ratbert shouts, "I'm insulted!!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 1997's comic on:

Tags #document marked proprietary, #find anyone, #gain experience, #logical questions, #insubordination

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok the Intern says to the Boss, "I have a question about this document marked 'proprietary'." Asok holds a piece of paper and says, "If I spent my whole life searching, do you think I could find anyone who would care about this?" Asok, Dilbert, and Alice are sitting at the lunch table in the cafeteria. Asok looks angry and has his arms folded across his chest. Dilbert explains, "As you gain experience, you'll realize that all logical questions are considered insubordination."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 1998's comic on:

Tags #maintain urgency, #speed is key, #faster than competition, #sign stuff, #logical questions, #motivational messages

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "WE must maintain a sense of urgency. Speed is the key. We must be faster than the competition." Dilbert says, "Does that mean you'll sign the stuff that's been on your desk for a month?" Dilbert is at home. Dilbert says, to Dogbert, "Logical questions don't mix with motivational messages."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 1994's comic on:

Tags #combines two projects, #not the same, #boss doesn't undertsnd, #too late, #logical solition, #eliminate your project, #resourceful idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I just had my annual meeting with our Vice President." "We decided to combine your project with Project 'Bigfoot' because they're basically the same." Dilbert: "They're not the same! It only seems like it to you because you don't understand either project!" "Oh, well. It's too late to do anything. I told him they were the same." Dilbert: "Just call him and say you were wrong." The Boss: "I can see why you're not in management." "The logical solution is to wait for the next budget cut and eliminate your project, thus solving two problems." Dilbert: "There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2003's comic on:

Tags #marketing genius, #rebate program, #process, #impenetrable fortress, #unclear instructions, #physical impossibilities, #hidden 300 digit, #serial number

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Marketing Genius. A business associate says to The Boss and Wally, "We designed a rebate program that won't cost a penny." The business associate continues, "The rebate process is an impenetrable fortress of unclear instructions and physical impossibilities. An elderly couple sits at a table reviewing bills. The man says, "Next time we have to find the hidden 300-digit serial number and write it in a box that's half an inch long." The woman replies, "Stinkin' weasels."