Lonely Job Comic Strips
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CEO: Being a leader is a lonely job. Dilbert: Try being less of a #!@*. Then people might want to spend time with you. CEO: I don't see how that could work. Dilbert: Can we get back to manipulating my emotions for financial gain?
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Now that job security is a thing of the past, I've noticed that my company loyalty has vanished, too." Dilbert continues, "And when you made my bonus primarily dependent on the blunders of senior management, my motivation fluttered away like a lonely sparrow." The Boss asks, "So your point is?" Dilbert says, "No point. I just didn't have any reason to be working."
The Boss says, "I need you to go to Elbonia and do some hand-holding while they cut over to the new system." Dilbert says, "Because they?re incompitent?" The boss says, "And lonely." Dilbert says, "I'm not comfortable with this." Elbonian says, "Mud wine?"
Boss: Describe your biggest accomplishment from your last job. Interviewee: I made some phone calls and stuff. I think I made a difference. Boss: Do you want this job? Interviewee: Nah. Just lonely.
Boss: Did you finish the website I asked you to make for my side business? Dilbert: No, because you keep me busy 100 percent of the time in my regular job. Boss: Hey, it isn't easy asking for twice as many status updates either.
Asok: I thought I accidentally killed the creator of Garfield, but it turns out I killed his body double. Our boss ordered me to do the hit. I have the worst job in the world. Dilbert: No, I think that body double has the worst job. Asok: I'm only talking about the living.
Boss: I need to set some goals for you. Wally: My job is to maintain the legacy system. My only goal is to avoid accidentally upgrading it. Boss: And how's that going? Wally: I don't like to brag, but I was born for this job.
dilbert: i hear there's a great job opening in operations for someone with your background. big salary, private office. looks like a great opportunity for you. office worker: are you trying to get rid of me? dilbert: not in a way you are suppose to notice.
Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.