Lose Job Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Lose Job
View 1 - 10 results for lose job comic strips. Discover the best "Lose Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday July 20,
2010
Tags #lose job, #merger, #worry, #good word, #recommendation, #drink coffee, #observation
Transcript
The Boss says, "I wouldn't worry about losing your job after the merger." Dilbert says, "Because you put in a good word for me?" The Boss says, "No, it's more of an observation that I don't worry about other people's jobs."
Monday July 23,
2001
Tags #growing into job, #accelerated evolution, #progarm, #million years, #two day classes, #lose fire, #opposable thimbs
Transcript
The Boss sits at his desk with his hands crossed. He says, "Monty. You're not growing into your job as quickly as I hoped." Monty, a monkey in a suit, stands opposite from The Boss, looking grim. The Boss' voice continues, "So I signed you up for an accelerated evolution program. They pack a million years into a two-day class." Dogbert stands in front of a blackboard atop a stool and yells to Monty and the monkey behind him as they enter the classroom. He says authoritatively, "Hurry up! We've already lost the opposable thumbs module; let's not lose fire too."
Sunday May 08,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #suspicion, #features for product, #overstaffed, #spare time, #job description, #healthy raise, #highest performance rating
Transcript
Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.
Thursday February 03,
2000
Tags #unvested stock, #quit, #lose stock, #brain irrationality, #small loss, #huge opportunity, #stupid
Transcript
Outdoors, Dilbert tells Garbage Man: "If I quit I'll lose some unvested stock. That's why I'm willing to suffer my job." Garbage Man replies: "A normal brain irrationally puts more weight on a small loss than a huge opportunity." Dilbert begins to say: "But now that you explained it..." But Garbage Man interrupts him: "Now you're just stupid."
Wednesday September 12,
2001
Tags #crossgrain on accounting, #system, #lose respect, #job security, #whole job, #accounts erceivable, #not expense, #no complaints
Transcript
The Boss has his arm around Asok. He says to Ed, "Ed, I want you to crosstrain Asok on the accounting system." The Boss continues, "And don't worry that you'll lost respect and job security if Asok learns your whole job in one day." Asok and Ed are sitting at a computer. Asok says, "I don't think 'Accounts Receivable' is an expense." Ed replies, "No one has complained yet."
Tuesday December 09,
2008
Tags #job, #lose my job, #rate service superiro, #service, #successful man, #survey, #loose job, #loose wife, #business
Transcript
Mordac: You will get a survey asking you how satisfied you were with my service today. If you don't rate my service superior in all categories, I will lose my jobs and my wife will leave me for a more successful man. Dilbert: Is she cute? Mordac: Why do you ask?
Monday September 14,
2015
Dilbert Working On Boss's Side Job
Tags #work, #labor, #free, #taking advantage, #side job, #boss, #conflict of interest
Transcript
Boss: Did you finish the website I asked you to make for my side business? Dilbert: No, because you keep me busy 100 percent of the time in my regular job. Boss: Hey, it isn't easy asking for twice as many status updates either.
Thursday December 15,
2016
Asok Has Worst Job In The World
Tags #hit man, #job, #happiness, #satisfaction, #doppelganger, #double, #lookalike, #business, #psychology
Transcript
Asok: I thought I accidentally killed the creator of Garfield, but it turns out I killed his body double. Our boss ordered me to do the hit. I have the worst job in the world. Dilbert: No, I think that body double has the worst job. Asok: I'm only talking about the living.
Saturday February 25,
2017
Wally Is Born For The Job
Tags #legacy, #system, #laziness, #perfect job, #goals, #ambition
Transcript
Boss: I need to set some goals for you. Wally: My job is to maintain the legacy system. My only goal is to avoid accidentally upgrading it. Boss: And how's that going? Wally: I don't like to brag, but I was born for this job.
Saturday July 20,
2019
Job Has No Meaning
Tags #employees, #employment, #job, #salary, #meaningful
Transcript
Dilbert: My job doesn't have meaning. Dogbert: If your employer added meaning to your job, would you agree to a cut in pay? Dilbert: No. Dogbert: I guess we just found the economic value of "meaning".