Low Priced Consultant Comic Strips
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311 Results for Low Priced Consultant
View 1 - 10 results for low priced consultant comic strips. Discover the best "Low Priced Consultant" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday April 28,
1998
Tags #low priced consultant, #reasonably priced, #roll around hamburger patties
Transcript
The Boss and Wally sitting at table. The Boss says I saved a lot of money by hiring a low-priced consultant." The Boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "These aren't the best recommendations in the world, but the price was very resasonable." Asok the Intern, Dilbert, Wally peruse the recommendations. Asok says, "I don't like this one about rolling around on unwashed hamburger patties." The Boss says, "Keep an open mind."
Friday April 01,
2005
Tags #habitual liar, #skull, #talking skull, #running marathin, #genie in bottle
Transcript
Habitual Liar: Alice: Are you sticking with you story that you're still alive?" Liar: "I feel terrific!" "I'm running a marathon later today." Low Priced Cremations While You Wait "I'm a gennie in a bottle! Make a wish!" Alice: "GAAA!!!"
Monday November 21,
1994
Tags #dogbert the consultant, #employee turnover, #low rates, #metrics, #turnover rate, #corporate health
Transcript
DOGBERT THE CONSULTANT Dogbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "A good way to judge corporate health is to look at your employee turnover rate." The Boss says, "Our turnover rate is very low. We only hire people who aren't skilled enough to work anyplace else." Dogbert says, "Maybe metrics aren't the way to go here." The Boss says, "No metric has beaten me yet!!"
Monday April 27,
1998
Tags #dogbert the consultant, #excellent advice, #50k monthly, #offer bad advice, #45k month
Transcript
Banner reading "Dogbert the Consultant" appears across top of page. Dogbert sitting in front of The Boss. Dogbert says, "I cab give you excellent advice for $50,000 per month." Dogbert sitting in chair continues, "If budget is a problem, I also offer bad advice for the low price of $45,000 per month." Dilbert and Alice watch as The Boss runs past their cubicle with scissors in hand. Alice says, "That's not a good sign."
Monday August 29,
2016
The Self Serving Consultant
Tags #consultant, #cruelty, #laziness, #work ethic, #business
Transcript
The Self-Serving Consultant. Dogbert: I recommend firing this guy so you have more money for me. I also recommend withholding his final check until he makes all of my PowerPoint slides for me. Man: This is messed up. Dogbert: Add some recommendations so I sound smart.
Sunday March 08,
2020
Elbonian Consultant
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #consultant, #elbonia, #people, #local, #problem, #distribution, #execute, #Opinion, #barber
Transcript
boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local. dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country? elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia. boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system. elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others. boss: i'm going to need a second opinion. elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.
Tuesday March 30,
2021
Dogbert Crisis Consultant
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #subordinates, #allegations, #crisis, #consultant, #statement, #lying, #dumb, #believe, #public, #legal, #defense
Transcript
dogbert: my job as a crisis consultant is to help you respond to the allegations from seventy-three of your past and present subordinates. i'll issue a statement from you saying everyone of them is lying. ceo: who would be dumb enough to believe that? dogbert: i call them "the public."
Tuesday June 15,
2021
Low Self Esteem
Tags #office workers, #business, #relationships, #low, #self-esteem, #hate, #performance, #problem, #hear, #sarcasm
Transcript
employee: my low self-esteem is making me hate you for being good at your job. dilbert: that's not my problem. employee: oh, it will be. it will be. dilbert: was i suppose to hear that?
Wednesday March 30,
2011
Tags #hold press conference, #introduce cold fusion, #breakthrough, #lightbulb, #wires plugged, #low opinion, #jar with frosted glass, #overkill
Transcript
Dogbert says, "I'm ready to hold a press conference to introduce my cold fusion breakthrough." Dilbert says, "All you did is put a lightbulb in a jar. I can see the wires plugged into the outlet." Dilbert says, "You have a low opinion of people." Dogbert says, "I considered using a jar with frosted glass, but it seemed like overkill."
Monday April 18,
2011
Tags #embarrassment, #ignorance (knowledge), #low hanging fruit
Transcript
Boss: Low-hanging fruit! OW! Dilbert: See? Wally: Wow.