Made Up Numbers Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

381 Results for Made Up Numbers

View 1 - 10 results for made up numbers comic strips. Discover the best "Made Up Numbers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2008's comic on:

Tags #company invested, #billion dollars, #made up numbers, #slide to oblivion, #made a difference, #victims

View Transcript

Transcript

"The company decided to invest a billion dollars based on your stupid made-up numbers." "You've crushed my dreams of a better tomorrow. Now my life is a cold, wet slide to oblivion." "I finally made a difference at work." "how many victims?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2008's comic on:

Tags #accurate numbers, #more useful, #studies showed, #make up stats

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I didn't have any accurate numbers so I just made up this one."Dilbert says, "Studies have shown that accurate numbers aren't any more useful than the ones we make up."The Boss says, "How many studies showed that?" Dilbert says, "Eighty-seven."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2010's comic on:

Tags #cost estimate, #deny, #numbers, #manipulate, #decisions, #hurt, #typing at computer, #humming noise, #annoy, #go away, #angry face, #home, #sitting on couch

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker says, "Can I get a rough cost estimate for the design phase?" Dilbert says, "No. I don't trust you with numbers." Coworker says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You're the kind of guy who will remove useful qualifiers and distribute a figure as if it is true in all cases." Dilbert says, "Decisions will be made. People will get hurt." Dilbert says, "For everyone's sake, the safest thing I can do is make an annoying humming sound until you go away." Dilbert says, "Hummmmm-mmmmmmmmm-mmmmm." Dilbert says, "Half of life is making people go away." Dogbert says, "Humm-mmmm"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2011's comic on:

Tags #complaining, #communication skills, #poor skills, #random numbers, #spreadsheet, #clarify, #listening skills

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman says, "This isn't what I wanted." Dilbert says, "I know." Dilbert says, "Your communication skill are so poor that I gave up trying to understand what you wanted and instead put some random numbers on a spreadsheet." Woman says, "Why didn't you just ask me to clarify?!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your listening skills need work too."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2011's comic on:

Tags #laziness, #meetings, #buddha jogging, #reliability stats, #data does not exist, #random numbers, #deep understanding of reality

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Asok, get me the reliability stats for our previous model." Asok says, "I am fairly certain the data does not exist." The Boss says, "Wally can show you how to get it." Wally says, "Come with me." Wally says, "You start by typing random numbers into a spreadsheet." Asok says,"Then what?" Wally says, "Then you're done." Wally says, "All business data is intentionally misleading. I just take it to the next level." Wally says, "A deep understanding of reality is exactly the same thing as laziness." Asok says, "That can't be right." Wally says, "Have you ever seen a statue of Buddha jogging?"

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2011's comic on:

Tags #commerce, #fraternization, #creepy new vendor, #did laundry, #creepy, #made sandwhiches

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our new vendor is creepy. He's trying to form a relationship with me. Man: I went to your house and did your laundry. You're welcome. Wally: How creepy could it be? Man: I made us sandwiches. You're out of mayo.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2011's comic on:

Tags #frustration, #laziness, #writing materials, #pile, #busget numbers, #print again, #think murder

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need your latest budget numbers. Dilbert: I put them on that pile yesterday. Boss: I don't have time to look through a pile. Go print it out again. Dilbert: How many times per day is it okay to think about murder? Wally: I'm up to six and it's only lunchtime.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2011's comic on:

Tags #commerce, #credit, #forbidden knowledge, #change to dotted lines, #made of ink

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Change all of the lines to dotted. We're not made of ink. Dilbert: Why'd I just get chills? Boss: Me too. It feels like some sort of forbidden knowledge.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #numbers, #divisable, #instance, #boring, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "How to be a boring person." Dogbert faces the reader and says, "Our fist demonstration is called 'listing things because you can.'" Dilbert says, "I like the numbers that are divisable by two . . . For instance four . . . And ten . . . And sixteen and eight . . . And twelve . . . And, uh . . . Forty . . . And ten, or did I already say ten?" Dogbert says, "Now act confused and start over, using your fingers as if that helps." Dilbert says, "Okay, four . . . And ten . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 1990's comic on:

Tags #dilbert's ego, #Dogbert, #numbers, #phone, #female cops, #police officers, #911

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Uh-oh! Dilbert's escaped ego has grown since getting that toupee. Dilbert's Ego: Ho-ho, what a night! I crashed a party for female police officers! I got phone numbers from twelve women! Dogbert: 9-1-1? Dilbert's Ego: They must be roommates.