The Boss's Secretary
Carol: You must pass the challenge of death before I put you on the boss's calendar. Bring me the head of Willy the mail boy!!!
Dilbert: Hey, Willy, would you like to see a trick?
Dilbert says to Dogbert, ". . . So, then my boss's secretary, Miss Cerberus, says she won't put me on the calendar unless I bring her the HEAD of Willy the Mail Boy." Dilbert holds out a bag with something round in it and says, "What choice did I have?" Dogbert's ears fly up in shock. Dilbert says, "I went bowling." Dogbert looks angry.
Dilbert: Whats in the jar?
The Boss: Its the soul of the Willy Mail Boy.
If you shake it real hard and hold it up to the light you can see it.
Dilbert: The union didn't do to well at the old bargaining table this year.
willy: These aren't our glory years.
Dilbert: "Exhibit 'A' is my empty lunch bag, last seen full."
"Only the people in this room had the motive and the opportunity."
"Inspector Dogbert will investigate."
Dogbert: "Sniff. You were in the mail room with Willy the mail boy all morning. You are innocent."
"Sort of."
"Sniff. I give you a 'C+' for hygiene but you did not take the lunch."
"Sniff. Bologna...potato chips...carrot sticks...ha!!!"
"This is the thief who took the decoy lunch...which we laced with synthetic female hormones!"
Wally: "You can't prove anything!"
Dogbert: "Is there something you'd like to get off your chest?"
Dilbert types, "Your ignorance seems to have no limit. Your opinions are idiotic." Dilbert continues typing, "Your personal hygiene leaves much to be desired. Your family is ugly." He enters, "Send e-mail." Peering over the cubicle wall, Wally says to Dilbert, "You're mighty brave in cyberspace, Flame-boy." Dilbert replies, "Step inside."
CEO: Our plunging productivity is all because of an eight-year-old boy named Traylor. Traylor doesn't wash his hands, he brings home every virus and germ from school, and gives it to his mom, who brings it to work with her. Dilbert: Maybe you should see a doctor. Carol: It's just allergies!
Dilbert reads a piece of mail and says, "Wow! And I thought this was just more junk mail!" Dilbert sits in his chair and says to Dogbert, "All I have to do is drive two hours and listen to their condo sales pitch. I'm GUARANTEED to win a Jeep Cherokee or a valuable mock emerald." Dogbert responds, "That emerald will go pretty well with your mock brain."
The caption says, "Dogbert tries to cheat death." The Grim Reaper says to Dogbert, ". . . So, if you catch the Frisbee you can live." Dogbert says, "Wait!" Dogbert continues, "I've never been much of an athlete . . . Let's play 'Scrabble' for my life instead." Dogbert and the Grim Reaper sit at a table playing Scrabble. The Grim Reaper asks, "How much time are you allowed for your turn?" Dogbert replies as he walks away, "I'll see you in August, bone boy."
Dilbert stands in front of a desk. A voice from the out box says, "Hey! Big guy, how are ya?" An envelope peeks out of the box and says, "How's the family? You look great . . . Nice weather, huh?" Dilbert walks away thinking, "I hate outgoing mail." The envelope yells, "Do you fish?"
Dogbert stands outside the post office truck yard holding the Sonic Obliterator. Dogbert says, "On one hand, I know it's wrong to use Dilbert's invention to blow up these empty mail trucks." Dogbert says, "On the other paw, this is gonna be more fun than sneezing on strangers." Dogbert continues, "It's a moral dilemma . . . But I like to think that difficult choices like this build character." Dogbert presses the trigger.
