Make Recommendations Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for make recommendations comic strips. Discover the best "Make Recommendations" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #study options, #project zebra, #make recommendations

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The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to study our options for Project 'Zebra' and make a recommendation." Both the Boss and Dilbert think, "Translation: 'Read my mind then recommend the option I've already decided on.'" Dilbert answers, "I'll get right on it!" He thinks, "Translation: 'I am doomed. I will go look for naughty pictures on the Internet instead.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #access, #apprval, #blocked website, #cip, #director of hr, #hostiliy, #mean, #threat

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This website has been blocked by your company. Dilbert: Mordac, I need access to a blocked site for business reasons, Mordac: I can only unblock the site if the director of human resources sends me a written approval. Catbert: I can only make recommendations, Our Cis still has to approve it. Chief Information Officer How dare you bother me with your trivial website problem! Carol back into your hole and think about the career mistake you just made! Dilbert: Can we kip the part where you ask me what I accomplished this week?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignored recommendations, #inadequate, #make system work, #saving money, #get fired

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "So, you ignored my recommendation and bought a low-cost system that's totally inadequate . . ." Dilbert holds up a document and continues, "You compensated for this blunder by making it part of MY objectives to make the system work . . ." Dilbert concludes, "You'll get a bonus for saving money. I'll get fired, thus saving more money and earning you ANOTHER bonus." The Boss replies, "I'm on a roll."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #study culture, #in company, #detailed recommendations, #docile outcast, #drinks brown water, #staple tracking device

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Dogbert is standing on The Boss' desk wearing a hat, a backpack, and holding a stick. Dogbert says, "I will study the culture in your company and make detailed recommendations." Dogbert observes Wally and records, "The one I call Wally is a docile outcast who eats bananas and drinks brown water." Dogbert asks Wally, "Do you mind if I staple this tracking device to your ear?" Wally responds, "Not really."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paying for consulting, #no recommendations, #feel secure, #shaping strategies, #hate you, #feel good

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"I keep paying you for consulting, but you never make any recommendations." "I'm what you call a "feel good."" "My job is to make you feel secure in the knowledge that someone brilliant is shaping your strategies." "This is weird; I hate you, but at the same time I feel good." "You're welcome."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #managers & supervisors, #learn from mistakes, #make alits, #wrong this year, #coincidence, #perfromance reviews, #management legends, #business

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The Boss says, "We can learn from our mistakes. Let's make a list of the things that each of you did wrong this year." Dilbert says, "It is just a coincidence that our annual performance reviews are due next week?" The Boss says, "It would have been the stuff of management legends." Catbert says, "Very nice try."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #thinking, #ignorant, #backstabbing, #die, #make changes

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Customer meeting Boss: If I may correct what Dilbert just said, I'm sure it would be easy to make those changes. Dilbert: You ignorant, backstabbing son of a beach ball. Boss: Are you saying something inside your head? Dilbert: No. Die.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #keep brain out, #laziness, #long and complicated, #technical recommendation, #thinking, #make decision

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Dilbert: Did you read my technical recommendation? Boss: No. It's too long and complicated. Dilbert: How do you plan to make a decision without reading it? Boss: I'll use my gut. Dilbert: It's probably a good idea to keep your brain out of this. Boss: Quiet! It's saying something. Noise: GROWL.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #inventions, #bend light, #around obkject, #cloak of invisibility, #make billions, #selling to military, #tricked, #ploy, #sneaky, #empty looking chair

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Wally: I discovered a way to bend light around an object to form a cloak of invisibility. We'll make billions selling it to the military. I'll be testing it over the next several months. You'll know it's working if you never see me in the office. During that time, don't sit in any empty-looking chairs unless you first shout my name and clap. WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?! Boss: What? I don't see anything. Wally; How do you like it so far?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #friendship, #make conversation, #sociopathic loner, #co workers, #coffee break, #meet up, #relationships

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Wally: Do you feel any need to make conversation? Dilbert: Nope. But I don't mind standing in your general vicinity to counter the common perception of you as a sociopathic loner. Wally: You totally get me. Dilbert: That's what acquaintances are for.