Make Ted Quit Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Make Ted Quit
View 1 - 10 results for make ted quit comic strips. Discover the best "Make Ted Quit" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday February 21,
2004
Tags #make ted quit, #aggressive replacement, #share resources, #job unbearable, #pants, #in same pants
Transcript
The boss: I hate Ted. How can I make him quit? Catbert: "That's easy." "Hire an aggressive replacement for Ted who will share his resources and make his job unbearable." Ted: "These are my pants." "Are you still here?"
Tuesday August 08,
1995
Tags #new dress code, #insane, #fridays are casual, #can't wear jeans, #feel good, #already own, #sadistic plot, #make people quit
Transcript
Alice stands in front of Catbert's desk. Alice says, "I don't understand your new dress code policy, Mr. Catbert." Catbert replies, "Maybe you're insane." Catbert continues, "It's simple. Fridays are 'casual.' But you can't wear blue jeans because jeans look good and feel good and you already own several pairs." Alice replies angrily, "It's another sadistic human resources plot to make people quit!!" Catbert answers, "Say hello to unsightly panty lines."
Monday October 15,
2007
Tags #spreading rumors, #make me quit, #false rumors, #actual facts, #poacher, #endangered species
Transcript
Keith: Alice is spreading false rumors about me. She's trying to make me quit. Catbert: "At this company we don't get all anal about the difference between false rumors and actual facts." Keith: "That's not fair!" Catbert: "Said the alleged poacher of endangered species."
Saturday June 01,
2019
Winners Never Quit
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #inspirational quotes
Transcript
the boss: i'm not having much luck with my inspirational quotes, but i thought i would try one more time. the boss: "winners never quit, and quitters never win." dilbert: when ted quit, you gave him a raise to stay. the boss: these work better when you don't think about them.
Sunday January 03,
2016
Tags #meeting, #complaining, #problems, #salutation, #sincerity, #insincere, #questioning, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: Thanks for meeting me on short notice. How are you? Coworker: Well, actually, someone stole my identity and ruined my credit score. I couldn't refinance my loan and lost my house. So I ate myself into poor health. I stopped shaving for a month and ended up on the terrorist watchlist. My boss hates me and is trying to make me quit by giving me bad assignments. My car broke down and I haven't been hugged in a year. Dilbert: Okay, let's get started. Coworker: That's all the time I had.
Friday June 19,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #answer, #work, #body, #language, #discourage, #working, #ted
Transcript
Dilbert, Wally and Ted sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Maybe Ted can answer that question . . ." Ted thinks, "Uh-oh." Ted thinks, "They're trying to make me work. I'll have to use body language to discourage them." Ted puts a pencil up his nose and rubs his head. Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Never mind." Ted thinks, "It's working."
Saturday December 17,
1994
Tags #make a suggestion, #idea rat, #multi disciplinary forces, #processes
Transcript
The Boss, Dilbert, Alice, Ratbert and Ted sit at a conference table. Ratbert asks, "Excuse me . . . I'm only an intern, but may I make a suggestion?" Ratbert says, "Let's form multidisciplinary task forces to reengineer our core processes until we're a world class organization!" The Boss says, "Sounds good. Go do it." Ratbert says, "I'm more of an idea rat."
Wednesday November 24,
1993
Tags #ted, #carol, #message, #manager, #secretary, #copies, #sting, #desire
Transcript
Ted: May I slip in? I only need one copy. Carol: What's the message here? Is your time worth more than my time because you're a manager and I'm a secretary? Huh? This might sting for a second, but it'll remove your desire to make copies.
Sunday August 15,
1993
Tags #the boss, #Wally, #Dilbert, #ted, #managment
Transcript
The Boss stands behind Ted's desk and says, "Ted, you're part of the company 'right sizing' program, effective today." Ted replies, "Thank you! It's nice to get positive feedback from the boss!" The Boss says, "It's not feedback. I'm saying your position has been 'management adjusted.'" Ted replies, "Sounds great! Is there a raise involved?" The Boss says angrily, "Listen to me!! You're part of 'manager attrition' starting right now!" Ted says, "Wow! Is that the fast-track program for managers?" Wally tells Dilbert, "I heard that Ted got picked for the 'manager attrition' program." Dilbert asks angrily, "Why not us?" Dilbert and Wally stand across from the Boss's desk. Dilbert says, "So unless you put us on the 'manager attrition' program too, we quit!" The Boss thinks, "There's never a flamethrower handy when you need it."
Thursday October 08,
1998
Tags #not policy, #fire morons, #expensive, #make your job unpleasent, #so you quit, #porject, #bitten by coyoytes, #vested
Transcript
The Boss has his hand on Donald's shoulder. Donald shirt is untucked and his tie is askew. The boss says, "It's not my policy to fire morons, Donald. Firing is expensive." The boss says, "It's my policy to make your job so unpleasant that you quit." Dilbert says, "So, your project involves being bitten by coyotes?" Donald is covered by small coyotes. Donald says, "Only two more years and I'm vested."