Search Results for "management process"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 413

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2012's comic on:

Tags #language, #thinking, #project management, #life cycle, #abtraction, #weightless, #management process

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: The project management framework embodies a project life cycle and five major project management process groups. Dilbert: Oh no! The extreme level of abstraction has made us weightless! Ted: That doesn't even make sense.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 2004's comic on:

Tags #great 3 hour meeting, #strategic core issues, #gibberish

View Transcript

Transcript

It's been a great three-hour meeting but I have one question. Can a business - led project management process optimize our static core issues? Was that gibberish? I thought thats what we are doing.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 1999's comic on:

Tags #new ceo, #turnaround expert, #pleasure to meet, #business process, #value based, #management method

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, the boss, Wally, Asok and a new guy with big sharp teeth and horns on his head are in a meeting. The new guy looks like the devil. The boss directs evryone's attention to him and says, "This our new CEO. He has a reputation as a turnaround expert." Asok says, "It is a pleasure to meet you. Do you favor TQM or more of a business process approach?" The new guy replies, "I'm partial to the value-based management method." Asok says, "I'm not familiar with that one."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1998's comic on:

Tags #management secrets, #earthling, #fulltime aliens, #ufo, #plowed into alp, #sharing skills, #boss and aliens

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is naked in a prison tube on an alien spacecraft. Two aliens outside the tube. One says, "Tell us your management secrets, earthling." The Boss responds, "You have too many full-time aliens flying this UFO. Downsize half of them, then roll out the ISO 9001 process." Back in the office, Dilbert and Alice listen as The Boss, who is supported by crutches and has a perplexed look on his face, finishes his story. "...But despite all of my help, they still plowed into a snow-covered alp."

Management Fast Track

Thank you for voting.
Management Fast Track - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2017's comic on:

Tags #talent, #management, #potential, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dilbert, our CEO asked me to put you on the management fast track. Dilbert: Why does he hate me so much? Boss: He didn't say, but I have a lot of guesses if you want to hear them.

View more books now

Groomed For Management

Thank you for voting.
Groomed For Management - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2017's comic on:

Tags #back-stabbing, #management, #betrayal, #double cross

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My boss is trying to groom me for management. How can I get out of it? Wally: Tell him that as soon as you are sufficiently groomed you will stab him in the back and take his job. Dilbert: ...and then I'll take your job. Boss: I'm moving you to the advanced management class.

Dogbert's Time Management Book

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert's Time Management Book - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2018's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #time, #management, #time management, #blank

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Would you like to read my book on time management? Dilbert: Yes. These pages are blank. Dogbert: I just saved you three hours.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2011's comic on:

Tags #deception, #managers & supervisors, #learn from mistakes, #make alits, #wrong this year, #coincidence, #perfromance reviews, #management legends, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "We can learn from our mistakes. Let's make a list of the things that each of you did wrong this year." Dilbert says, "It is just a coincidence that our annual performance reviews are due next week?" The Boss says, "It would have been the stuff of management legends." Catbert says, "Very nice try."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2011's comic on:

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #laziness, #seven layers of management, #lead company, #unknowingly, #bad idea, #input to avoid, #ceo, #middle management

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I plant to add seven more layers of management between you and me. My goal is to lead the company without knowing anything about it. Boss: That sounds like a bad idea. CEO: This sort of input is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2011's comic on:

Tags #computers & peripherals, #embarrassment, #process order, #middle ages, #stinging sarcasm, #faxed copy, #1950's, #happy time, #bob in procurement

View Transcript

Transcript

Bob In Procurement Dinosaur: I need the signed original contract to process your order. Dilbert: Because we're in the Middle Ages? Dinosaur: Ouch! Your stinging sarcasm has embarrassed me into saying I will accept a faxed copy. Are we good now? Dilbert: Absolutely. Because the 1950s is a happy time.