Manager Instinct Comic Strips
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191 Results for Manager Instinct
View 1 - 10 results for manager instinct comic strips. Discover the best "Manager Instinct" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday March 20,
2005
Tags #meeting, #introductions, #manager instinct, #disengaged, #mirror mannerisms, #witty side comment, #pledge loyalty, #dead guy, #business
Transcript
I missed the introductions. "I'll use my manager instinct to figure out who's important." "Only a senior executive could get away without looking so disengaged." "I'll mirro his mannerisms so he'll like me." "Now for a witty side comment." "Ha ha! That will happend when monkeys fly our of my nose." "No reaction! He must be so important that he has no sense of humor!" "I pledge my loyalty to you and only you!!!" "I heard that you pledged your loyalty to a daed guy." "At least he won't ask for much."
Thursday July 23,
2015
Manager Of The Year Award
Tags #attendance, #manager, #management, #laissez faire, #cause and effect, #award, #accolade
Transcript
Catbert: Employees voted you "Manager of the Year." As usual, this honor is going to the manager with the worst attendance. We're hoping it's more of a correlation than a causation thing.
Saturday August 10,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #dog, #stares, #plotting, #something, #instinct, #people's, #noses, #strong
Transcript
Dilbert sits in his chair thinking, "I hate it when my dog just stares at me." Dilbert thinks, "Is he plotting? Does hoe know something I don't? What is it?" Dogbert looks at Dilbert through a pair of binoculars. Dogbert thinks, "Dogs don't like to talk about it, but the instinct to look up people's noses is very strong."
Tuesday August 04,
1992
Tags #office workers, #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #understand, #sleep, #sleep deprivation, #Food, #starve, #artificial, #deadline, #ergle, #flumg, #muddle brained, #incomprehensible, #division, #manager
Transcript
The Boss says to Tim, "I understand you've been going without sleep or food for days just to meet some artificial deadline." Tim mumbles incoherently. The Boss continues, "As a result, your work has been muddle-brained and incomprehensible. You leave me no choice, Tim." Wally says to Dilbert, "Tim got promoted to division manager." Dilbert replies, "I wonder if he knows it."
Thursday August 27,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #ben, #newest, #fast-track, #manager, #real, #experience, #executive, #style, #hair, #silver
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I'd like you meet Ben, our newest fast-track manager." Dilbert says, "Hi." The Boss says, "Ben has no real experience but he's very tall, so we know he'll go far." Ben adds, "I also have executive style hair." The Boss says, "We think it will turn silver."
Thursday November 12,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #office, #decide, #kill, #floyd, #budget, #manager, #lover, #killer
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dilbert says, "The guys in the office decided that somebody must kill Floyd the budget manager because he's so mean to us." Dilbert continues, "They want ME To kill him. But I can't do it. I'm a LOVER, not a killer." Dogbert replies, "Technically, you're neither." Dilbert asks, "Is that MY fault?"
Monday December 14,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #transferred, #assignments, #management, #yanking, #chain, #over-communicating, #manager, #sales
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Dilbert, you're being temporarily transferred to the field sales organization." The Boss continues, "Normally we use these assignments to round somebody out for management. But in this case I'm just yanking your chain!" Dilbert says, "You're over-communicating again, sir." The Boss continues, "Plus, I hate the manager of sales."
Wednesday February 03,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #readers digest, #dog, #found, #hundred, #instinct
Transcript
Dilbert drives the car and Dogbert sits in the passenger seat. Dogbert asks, "Where are we now?" Dilbert replies, "I can't tell you. That's part of the experiment." Dogbert sits on the roof of the car and Dilbert holds a clipboard. Dilbert says, "I read in 'Reader's Digest' how a dog found his way home from a hundred miles away. I want to test your homing instinct." When Dilbert isn't looking, Dogbert drives away in the car. Dilbert says, "Okay, I think we're ready to begin . . ."
Thursday March 10,
1994
Tags #no raises, #no promotions, #mathematical certainty, #inflation, #pooer, #uncertainty, #leader, #not just manager
Transcript
The Boss: "The company has announced there will be no raises or promotions this year." "Now, there's a mathematical certainty that no matter how hard you work, inflation will make you poorer." Dilbert: "I hated the old way, with all the uncertainty." The Boss: "I'm not just a manager, I'm a leader!"
Tuesday May 17,
1994
Tags #build, #meeting, #project kick off, #project manager, #super fast microchips, #harder to saboatge, #business
Transcript
"Thank you all for coming to the project kick-off meeting." "As project manager I've decided not to tell you the purpose of the project. That way it will be harder for you to sabotage it." "Does it require ny super-fast microchips?" "Good lord, no. Don't build any of those...by Tuesday."