Manipulate Owners Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

38 Results for Manipulate Owners

View 1 - 10 results for manipulate owners comic strips. Discover the best "Manipulate Owners" comics from Dilbert.com.

The Evil Robot Business

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Evil Robot Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #ceo, #evil, #executives, #robot, #sell robots, #manipulate owners, #titanium bolts

View Transcript

Transcript

Pointy-Haired Boss Becomes CEO. Boss: We're going into the evil robot business. We'll sell robots that psychologically manipulate their owners into buying unnecessary upgrades. Evil Robot: Your neighbor got titanium bolts for his robot. I guess that's what winners do. But your way is good, too.

Dilbert Characters

Free Will Is An Illusion

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Free Will Is An Illusion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #free will, #robot, #robotics, #technology, #emotionally manipulate, #cloud connected, #control humans

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm programming our robot line to emotionally manipulate their owners into buying upgrades. Wally: You're teaching cloud-connected robots all over the world how to surreptitiously control humans? Dilbert: Technically, yea. But free will is an illusion anyway. Wally: Well, if it isn't, it will be.

Marketing Is Only Legal Because It Doesn't Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Marketing Is Only Legal Because It Doesn't Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #etiquette & ethics, #marketing, #robot, #robotics, #slave, #technology, #emotionally manipulate, #marketing leagl, #enslave humans, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Sales are up 900% since we programmed our robots to emotionally manipulate their owners into buying upgrades. Dilbert: Um, you do know marketing is only legal because it doesn't work most of the time, right? Coworker; Nope. I do not know that. Shiny! Dilbert: We invented a technology to enslave homo sapiens?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #flattery, #suspicion, #manipulate, #full benefit, #wisdom, #george clooney

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We can manipulate the pointy-haired menace into picking the right plan by comparing it to the worst alternatives. Alice: But then we wouldn't get the full benefit of his wisdom. Dilbert: Is he behind me? Alice: It might be George Clooney. I can't tell them apart.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #little girl, #ambush reporter, #Kids, #pretend, #manipulate, #crying, #expensive, #consumerism

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert approaches a little girl, holds out a microphone and says, "Just a minute little girl. I'm Dogbert, the ambush reporter." Dogbert says, "Is it true that you PRETEND to be cute in order to MANIPULATE adults!!" The girl starts sniffing and crying. Dogbert says, "Oh, hey, wait . . . I'm just kidding. Can I buy you something expensive?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #nation's, #founding fathers, #motives, #running, #president, #slave owners, #democratic, #ignorance

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert says, "I think the nation's founding fathers would be ashamed of your motives for running for President." Dogbert asks, "Weren't they slave owners?" Dilbert replies, "Well . . . Sure, but at least it was democratic." Dogbert says, "Back then, the only people allowed to vote were white male land owners." Dogbert continues as Dilbert walks away, "In fact, the presidency was created so the ignorant masses would think there was a king." Dilbert covers his ears and says, "La la la la la la la la."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manipulate, #lying, #Advice, #mayo clinic, #victim to source

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "You can manipulate people by lying about what other people said." "If your victim goes to the source and discovers your treachery, say, of course he tells you that." Dilbert: "Your advice doesn't sound healthy." Dogbert: "That's not what the Mayo Clinic said."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agree, #disagree, #idea, #plan, #terrible idea, #worst ever idea, #bordering irresponsible, #disagrees with everyone, #idea is awful, #manipulate me, #terrible tidea, #dance puppet dance

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you have a minute to look t my terrible idea? It's the worst idea ever, totally impractical, and bordering on irresponsible. Ted: Why are you saying that about your own idea? Dilbert: Because you're one of those jerks who automatically disagree with everyone. I'm telling you my idea is awful so you will feel compelled to say it is great. Ted: Now that I know how you plan to manipulate me, it won't work. Dilbert: I'm so surprised to hear that you disagree. Now look at my terrible terrible idea.Dance, puppet, dance. Ted: THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #god of management time, #insatiable appetite, #kronos, #manipulate perception, #month, #plenty of time, #states reprts, #upgrade servers, #side effects

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "Upgrade all of our network servers by Tuesday." Dilbert responds, "That's impossible. I need at least a month." The Boss replies, "Oh, it's impossible. Watch this." The Boss yells, "I summon Kronos, The God of Management Time!!" A man in a pink suit and hat comes and says, "I, Kronos, will manipulate your perception of time." Kronos hits The Boss on the head with his wand. Dilbert responds, "I don't see how that helps..." Kronos explains, "When he wakes up he will believe there is plenty of time and that you are a weasel." Dilbert asks, "Any side effects?" Kronos replies, "Just an insatiable appetite for status reports."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet & world wide web, #power (social sciences), #slaves, #a-b testing, #manipulate humans, #orange button, #mindless puppets, #legality

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Buwhahaha! I'm using A-B testing to manipulate irrational humans! Bend to my will and choose the orange button, you mindless click-puppets! Dilbert: And this is legal? Dogbert: I own you now!