Married With Children Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Married With Children
View 1 - 10 results for married with children comic strips. Discover the best "Married With Children" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday March 28,
2012
Tags #raise, #married with children, #new family, #benefit expenses, #laser like focus, #procreating
Transcript
Wally: Give me a raise or else I'll get married and have children. My new family would increase your benefit expenses and distract me from my laser-like focus on work. Boss: I will gladly pay extra to prevent you from procreating. Wally: Word it any way you like.
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Wednesday October 16,
2013
Tags #executives, #Family, #obliviousness, #career, #focus, #married with kids, #huge hassle, #already chosen
Transcript
Dogbert: Executive Coach Dogbert: You need to focus on your career or your family. You can't do both. CEO: I don't have a family. Dogbert: Actually, you're married and you have four kids. CEO: That sounds like a huge hassle. Dogbert: Perhaps you've already chosen.
Thursday May 24,
2018
Boring And Needy Children
Tags #parents, #mother, #interview, #children, #annoyance, #work-life balance, #Family
Transcript
Boss: Do you enjoy spending time with your children? Woman: No, they're boring and needy. They can't even hold a conversation. If I'm being honest, I prefer working long hours so I see less of them. Boss: Perfect. You're hired. Woman: I mean, I love them, but I don't like them.
Saturday December 05,
2020
Married Zoomers
Tags #business, #sarcasm, #video conference, #technology, #zoom, #anger, #married, #speakerphone, #room, #hear, #distracting
Transcript
dilbert with laptop on video conference. voice from laptop yelling: stop using your speakerphone! i'm trying to make a zoom call! i can still hear you! go in the other room! i said go in the other room! dilbert: being married sounds fun. Voice from laptop: i can still hear you!
Friday February 05,
1993
Tags #cars, #clean, #letters, #express, #outrage, #editor, #Funny, #pages, #sarcasm, #children, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #time
Transcript
The caption says, "Their cars are always clean." A man polishes his car with a cloth. The caption says, "They write letters to express their outrage." A man sits at a table with an open newspaper next to him. The man writes, "Dear Editor, The funny pages is no place for sarcasm! Think about the CHILDREN!" The caption says, "They read the same book more than once." Dilbert sits in his chair reading a book and laughing. Dogbert says, "They are the people with way too much time on their hands."
Sunday July 13,
1997
Tags #bad advice show, #married, #divorce, #radio show, #Dogbert, #explain, #dead woodchuck, #household tips, #black paint, #stain remover, #all cheese diet
Transcript
Dogbert is hosting a radio talkshow. He sits at the microphone. He says, "You're on the radio with Dogbert's "Bad Advice Show." How may I hurt you?" Women on the phone asks, "My boss asked me for a date. We're both married. What should I do?" Dogbert says, "Divorce your husband. He sounds like a loser to me." Women says, "Yes, yes it all makes sense when you explain it that way." Dogbert says, "Then mail a dead woodchuck to your boss with a note that says...." Dogbert is heard over the phone. Dogbert says, "Unlike this woodchuck my love for you will never die." Women says, "Thanks. I love your show." Dogbert says, "Moving on to household tips, did you know that black paint is an excellent stain remover?" Dilbert walks in with a huge black stain on his shirt. Dilbert says, "Can we talk?" Dogbert says, "And those are just SOME of the benefits of an all-cheese diet."
Wednesday January 20,
1999
Tags #sold internet business, #married, #pre nuptual, #agreement, #honey moon, #read prenup
Transcript
Wally, still with his ponytail, walks up to Dilbert and Alice who eat lunch. Wally has a woman (bimbo) on his arm. Wally says, "I sold me internet business and married Roxie." Wally says, "Don't worry about my money. Roxie insisted that we sign prenuptial agreements." Wally says, "Now for our honeymoon." Roxie says, "Whoa! That's not in our agreement." Alice says, "He didn't read it."
Thursday June 12,
2003
Tags #stay at home father, #love children, #rewarding lifestyle, #unpaid servant, #could iron
Transcript
Alice and Bobby are out to dinner. Alice says, "If we married, would you mind being a stay-at-home father?" Bobby responds, "I love children. That would be a very rewarding lifestyle." Alice says, "Okay, now imagine that there aren't any kids, and you're basically my unpaid servant." Bobby asks, "Could I iron?"
Monday December 20,
2004
Tags #online ereume, #older chubby men, #key words, #married men, #job offers, #cousin, #Advice, #one line job hunting
Transcript
"I wasn't getting any responses to my online resume until I inserted some key words." "I said I'm strangely attracted to older, chubby, married men with coffee-stained teeth." "That is wrong on so many levels." "Explain that to my six thousand job offers."
Wednesday June 01,
2005
Tags #british acent, #swoon, #fake ccent, #single, #girls fight, #married
Transcript
"I think I'm in love with the new guy because of his fake British accent." "He's mine!" "You're married." "I am? Wow! His British accent made me forget." "I say, old beans, did anyone see my brolly on the lift?" "Swoon" "I'm single."