wally sneezes and his mask flies out from his face and slaps him in the face and he falls out of his chair.
wally: ah-choo!!!! slap!
dilbert watching: the pundits were right- everything is different now.
dilbert video conferencing: you don't need a mask for a Zoom call.
employee: can you back up that claim with a randomized clinical study?
dilbert: i've noticed it's a lot easier to hate people lately.
dilbert in front of laptop on video conference call.
voice from laptop: i'd feel more comfortable if you wore a mask for this call.
dilbert: i'm working at home. i can't possibly give you a virus over a video call.
voice from laptop: show me a study that proves that or else stop denying science.
Dilbert: um...
Dilbert sits at his computer at home, dressed in a bathrobe and looking unshaven. He types, "Day two of telecommuting is going smoothly. I have eliminated all optional habits of hygiene." Dilbert continues typing, "My co-workers are a fading memory. I am losing language skills. I talk to my computer and expect answers." Dilbert types, "For reasons that are unclear, my dog wears a gas mask and shouts tarzan-like phrases." Dogbert stands behind Dilbert wearing a gas mask and yelling, "Kreegah! Bundalo!"
Dilbert hands Dogbert a gas mask and says, "Dogbert, your mission is to tell my co-worker that her perfume is killing us. Wear this gas mask." As Dilbert puts the mask on Dogbert, he says, "Use humor to ease the tension." Dogbert says, "Good idea." Wearing the mask, Dogbert stands in the woman's cubicle and says, "Did you hear the joke about the woman who stank like a hog rendering plant?" The woman says, "Three times today . . ."
Alice wearing face mask: can I borrow your stapler?
Dilbert wearing face mask: not with your bare hands. but i can wrap it in plastic and leave a hole for the staples to come out.
Alice: maybe you can just lend me a paper clip.
dilbert: i'll throw it to you.
boss wearing face mask: our data security team informs me we have an elbonian spy in our midst.
dilbert wearing face mask: maybe it's this elbonian guy you hired.
elbonian wearing face mask: whoa, that is super racist.
dilbert: is it you?
elbonian: yes, but i don't see how that excuses you.
co-worker in face mask: what do you think of my slide deck?
dilbert in face mask: i reviewed all 26 of your slides, and i can't figure out what your point is.
co-worker: i could put the point on slide 27.
dilbert: or just give up.
the sciencesplainer
dilbert wearing face mask: we don't have any data yet, but we are hearing good reports.
sciencesplainer: those reports are anecdotal. you need a controlled study to be certain.
dilbert distressed: literally everyone already knows that.
sciencesplainer: sure. but did you know accurate data are better than bad data?
dilbert wearing face mask and carrying computer bag: i'm going into the office to upgrade a server. according to my boss, reducing network latency is more important than my life. can i depend on you to not change the locks while i'm gone?
dogbert: only if you sleep in the garage.
