Master Appear Comic Strips

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65 Results for Master Appear

View 1 - 10 results for master appear comic strips. Discover the best "Master Appear" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stressed alice, #role model, #deadlines, #pride, #no ambition, #glory, #new vp, #student ready, #master appear

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Wally stands in Alice's cubicle with a coffee cup. Alice works at her computer. Wally says, "There is no reason to be stressed, Alice." Wally says, "Allow me to be your role model." Wally says, "I remain calm despite the pressure of impossible deadlines." ALice says, "That's because you have no pride and no ambition!" ALice says, "I've worked day and night to make this deadline!" ALice says, "And when I suceed, the glory will be mine!" Ted pokes his head around the cubicle wall and says, "Our new VP just canceled the project so the last vp would look bad." Wally says, "They say that when the student is ready, the master will appear."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the master, #overworked, #carefree, #powerful secret, #volunteer, #many tasks, #complaints later, #gandhi that eats, #dont recall, #agree

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Wally is asleep in his cubicle. Asok enters and says, "Wally, I need advice from the master." Wally wakes up and says, "Huh?" Asok says, "How do you remain so carefree while everyone else seems so overworked?" Wally replies, "Asok, you are ready to learn my most powerful secret." Wally continues, "Always volunteer to do lots of tasks. That will make you appear very busy." Wally continues, "Later, when someone complains that you didn't do a task..." Wally continues, "Say you remember discussing the topic but you don't recall agreeing to do anything." Wally continues, "Offer a glimmer of hope that you might yet do the task if no one yells at you... Then repeat." Asok replies, "Wow." Asok walks away and thinks, "He's like a Gandhi that eats."

Master Engineer

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Master Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #Promotion, #master, #senior, #engineer, #more, #pay, #platinum, #optimism

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boss: i'm promoting you to the position of "master engineer." dilbert: i'm already senior engineer. boss: now you're a master engineer. with all the rights and responsibilities that come with it. dilbert: such as...? boss: well, for example, you can do more kinds of work. dilbert: for more pay? boss: no. no. no! you're thinking of "platinum level" engineers. you're not on of those. dilbert: that comes next?! boss: optimism is not an attractive quality.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #robot dog, #devil, #master, #invention

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, "What do you mean you built a robot dog?!! You can't replace me!!" Dilbert says, "Calm down Dogbert." A robot dog comes up behind Dogbert and barks. Dogbert jumps and yells, "Aaaghh!! The devil dog! Help! Help!" The robot dog stands on his hind legs and says, "I was created to serve your every need, Master Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Okay, he can stay. But you owe me one."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #light, #travels, #sound, #shout, #speak, #lips, #appear, #sync-up, #words, #knowledge, #ridiculous, #thing, #heard

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "I just heard that light travels faster than sound." The Boss continues, "I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words." Dilbert thinks, "A little knowledge can be a ridiculous thing." The Boss thinks, "He probably hasn't heard me yet."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #master, #earth, #message, #creature, #king, #retiring, #soft, #pillow

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair and says into a video camera, "This is Dogbert, Master of Earth, with a message to all creatures . . ." There is a satellite dish on the desk. A man and woman sit on their couch holding Dogbert signs and watching television. Dogbert says on tv, "I realized that you are all unworthy of having me as your king. I am retiring to go sit on a soft pillow." Dogbert lies on his pillow listening to the radio. Dogbert thinks, "No matter what I do, it always feels better when I stop doing it."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new offcie, #volunteered, #coordinate, #move, #cubicle assignment, #existence, #lord wally, #puppet master, #cubicle

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Wally stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "We're moving to a new office across town. I volunteered to coordinate the move." Wally continues, "I control your cubicle assignment. Nay, your very existence. From now on you will refer to me as 'Lord Wally the Puppet Master.'" Dilbert says, "I don't think it's legal to enjoy your work this much." Wally waves his hands and says, "I banish you to the cubicle closest to your boss!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer up, #management support, #meeting, #boss ego, #master at work, #promised customer, #full management support, #sales meeting, #business

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Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need your full management support in this meeting with sales." The Boss replies, "Just watch the master at work." A man says to the Boss, "I promised a customer a product that we don't make. You need to engineer-up a thousand units by early next week." The Boss asks, "Is Thursday okay?" As they walk away, the Boss says to Dilbert, "Wait until he finds out that Thursday isn't 'early next week.' Hee hee!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality school, #quality black master, #title metaphoric, #breakout session, #pre course reading

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The Boss tells Wally, "After I graduate from 'Quality School' I'll be a quality black-belt master." Wally asks, "Is the title metaphoric, or is there a chance you'll be beaten senseless during a breakout session?" The Boss slices the air with his hands as if he were practicing karate and thinks, "Zip zip zip zip." The Boss hits Wally and knocks him to the floor. Wally asks, "Was that necessary?" The Boss replies, "I'm not sure. I haven't done the pre-course reading yet."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #lord, #master, #worthless cretin, #telemarketing, #voice mail

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the couch. Dogbert dials a number on the telephone. Dogbert says, "I am Dogbert, your lord and master! Submit to my will, you worthless cretin!" Dilbert uses the remote control to change the TV channel. Dilbert asks, "Does telemarketing work for that sort of thing?" Dogbert replies, "You'll know tomorrow; that was your voice mail."