Search Results for "mathematical certainty"
Share March 10, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: "The company has announced there will be no raises or promotions this year." "Now, there's a mathematical certainty that no matter how hard you work, inflation will make you poorer." Dilbert: "I hated the old way, with all the uncertainty." The Boss: "I'm not just a manager, I'm a leader!"
Share June 23, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I want you to use "black hat" methods to raise our website's ranking on search engines. Dilbert: What do you like best about that idea - the fact that it's unethical or the near certainty of getting caught? Boss: That's sort of a loserish thing to say. Dilbert: Talking doesn't work for people like me.
Share October 02, 1994's comic on:
"Dogbert! Come here! I've done it!" "I created a mathematical proof of the existence of God!" "Give it to me." "This is a job for the world's smartest garbage man." "What can I do for you, Dogbert?" "Check this math." "Clever...but he transposed some variables. This proves the existence of his dog." "Now we know YOU exist and I must exist because 'I think, therefore I am'." "But since Dilbert wasn't thinking when he made his error, there's no proof that HE exists." "Hey!" "Did you just hear something, Dogbert?" "There's no way to be sure."
Share July 26, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Tina, our database analyst quit, so I need you to take over that job. Tina: I'm curious... how long do you think it takes to train a tech writer to be a database analyst? Boss: Forty-five minutes. Tina: I like how you punctuate ignorance with certainty.
Share July 27, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Tina gave me a great compliment. She said I punch and hate ignorance with certainty. Dilbert: Are you sure she didn't say you punctuate your ignorance with certainty? Boss: I'm positive! Hah-cha!
Share May 04, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk with paper and a calculator. Dilbert says, "Ah hah! Just as I suspected." Dilbert shows Dogbert a piece of paper and says, "Here it is: mathematical proof that attractive single women exist only in white Volkswagen Rabbits and aerobics classes." Dogbert asks, "How do you explain Vanna White?" Dilbert says as he walks away, "I wonder if Isaac Newton had a dog." Dogbert adds, "Or a girlfriend."
Share February 27, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert tells the Boss, "I've heard that some primitive cultures had no mathematical concept of 'zero.'" Dilbert continues, "Sometimes I think you're like that when I tell you I have zero time left for additional work." The caption says, "The conversation went downhill from there." Dilbert screams, "No, that's 'Zorro.' You're NOT like Zorro."
Share August 08, 2007's comic on:
The Boss: "Asok, according to my spreadsheet, you have been doing a terrible job." Asok: "Perhaps your spreadsheet is poorly conceived and does not capture the complexity of the real world." "And let's not forget the near certainty that your formulae are pointing to the wrong cells." The Boss: "Numbers don't lie."