Search Results for "mean things"
Share May 18, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert is dropping his date off after a date. She says, "Thanks for taking me to dinner. You're a terrific conversationalist." Noriko and Dilbert embrace as Dilbert says, "With you, it's easy." They are about to kiss when Dilbert continues, "I discovered that I can write code in my head as you complain about your job all night."
Share January 31, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the kitchen table and enjoy a cup of coffee together. Dilbert says, "I'm thinking of quitting and working for myself." Dogbert says, "Come work for me." Dilbert says, "Doing what?" Dogbert says, "You'll invent things and I'll exploit you... I mean them." Dilbert says, "I'm not sure you'd be the best boss, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Don't give me that input you 'resource.'"
Share October 24, 2003's comic on:
WHos Todays Guest Cartoonist? ...when I first heard Dilbert had died while running with scissors,I , too was stunned.I too, asked "whats it all mean?" That 2, 247 newspaper slots are now wiiiiide open , baby! ...ka-ching! ka-Ching! ...sorry about the ka -things. *answer: go to Dilbert.com
Share July 19, 2014's comic on:
Boss: The secret to success is keeping things simple. Dilbert: Do you mean simple in an absolute sense or relative to the alternatives? Boss: It depends on the situation. Dilbert: Sounds complicated.
Share October 03, 2011's comic on:
Woman: Let's play a game. We each say two things about ourselves and the other has to guess which one is a lie. Dilbert: I love to play games like that. My second thing is that I eat food.
Share December 18, 2011's comic on:
Boss: Ted can explain what you need to do before the platform upgrade. Dilbert: No he can't. Ted's brain is where knowledge goes to die. He's not good at explaining things. The knowledge might be in his brain, but it's trapped there. Unfortunately, Ted's incompetence is so unbelievable that you literally don't believe me. In time, you will assume that Ted taught me well but I forgot all of it. I'm doomed before I start. Let's just declare failure and move on. Boss: That works for me. Dilbert: Partial victory.
Share March 31, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "What I look for first in a man is honesty." Dilbert says, "Okay . . . I'd like to skip this boring conversation and go smooch." The woman says, "I didn't mean honesty about relevant things."
Share February 27, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert thinks, "One of the great things about being a dog is that we can take a nap any time we want." Dogbert continues thinking, "Sometimes we do it because we're tired." Dogbert lies on his back as Dilbert walks by carrying a briefcase. Dogbert thinks, "But mostly, we do it to make you hate your life."
Share December 26, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and asks, "What did you mean when you said all employees are empowered?" Dilbert continues, "Does that mean I can control my own budget, make decisions without twelve levels of approval, and take calculated risks on my own?" The Boss replies, "No, it's just a way to blame employees for not doing the things we tell them not to do." Dilbert hangs his head and says, "No wonder you needed a new word."
Share November 10, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert kneels in front of Floyd's desk. Floyd yells, "What?! You think I'll help you just because I'm your co-worker?? Ha! I hate co-workers!" Dilbert begs, "All I need is . . ." Floyd yells, "I hate this job! I hate everything! The only thing I like is being mean to co-workers who need the vital information that I control!" Dilbert's underwear has been streched over his head. Another man with a wedgie says, "If you think YOU hate him, you should try being his secretary."