Meeting Over Comic Strips
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The Boss stands behind his desk and says to Asok who is seated in front, "...and that's your performance review. Any questions?" Asok the intern says, "You talked about yourself for the full hour. Can we talk about me?" The Boss says, "Okay. YOU don't seem to know that YOUR meeting is over when YOU see me stand up." Asok says, "ooh."
The Boss: And those are the company priorities for the coming year. Any questions? Asok: Should I be concerned that none of my projects relate to any of those priorities? Wally: You're over thinking again. Asok: Sorry.
The Boss: "Our project is six months behind schedule." "Meanwhile, our technology has become obsolete and the users' requirements have changed." "Any suggestions?" Dilbert: "Let's stubbornly plod along and deliver the useless product that was originally requested." Wally: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" "We should restart every time something changes. That way we'll never be held accountable for results!" Alice: "You losers can work it out alone. I heard there's a job opening on project Caribou." The Boss: "Next on the agenda: our weekly team-building excercise." "
Alice rolls over in bed and reaches for her alarm clock. The clock says 7:05. Alice thinks, "Oh, no! I overslept . . . No time to apply makeup before my big meeting!" Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Alice asks, "Okay, does everyone understand their tasks?" Wally replies, "I'll get right on it." Dilbert replies, "Absolutely." Alice walks down the hall thinking, "I wonder why they were so respectful today." Asok walks up to Alice and shouts, "It's Newt Gingrich!"
Tags #cancelled meeting, #dilmom, #effort, #glass half full, #made extra money, #no over time pay, #not funded, #not important work, #optimitic, #power point slides worse, #wast of time, #waste of enery, #worked till midnight, #dilberts mother
Dilbert helps his mom with her coat. Dilbert says, "As usual, I worked until midnight last night, mom." Dilbert's Mom says, "Well, at least you made some extra money." Dilbert puts his jacket on. Dilbert says, "I don't get paid for over-time." Dilbert and Dilbert's Mom take a walk. Dilbert's Mom says, "Well, at least it was important work." Dilbert says, "Not really." Dilbert says, "My boss made me change my "Power-point" slides, but the changes made them worse." Mom says, "Well. at least you're prepared for you meeting." Dilbert says, "It was canceled." Dilbert and Mom seen in the distance. Dilbert says, "But that's okay, because the project isn't funded anyway." Mom says, "So....you worked for free to worsen a presentation for a meeting that won't happen for a project that doesn't exist?" Dilbert says, "Yup." Mom says, "Well...at least you could travel back in time without having any impact on history." Dilbert says, "Yeah, my glass is half full."
Dilbert says, "We've had reports of 'meeting pirates,' taking over agendas and pillaging credit." Pirate says, "Yaaarg!!! I take yer document, and leave ye scurvy rats adrift!" Pirate says, "And then I invented server virtualization. Yaaarg!" The Boss says, "Wow! That was a good idea."
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss peers into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I want everyone to prepare a presentation for the executive review board. Urgent." Dilbert makes sniffing noises and says, "What's that smell? Yes!!! . . . It's the scent of unnecessary work for a meeting that will be canceled." Wally peers over the cubicle wall and says to Dilbert, "Did you smell the unnecessary work? We can ignore it!" Dilbert replies, "It's like popcorn for the soul." Alice sits in her cubicle thinking, "Urgent."
Dilbert reclines in his chair and hums. Alice asks him, "Why aren't you slaving away, preparing for the executive review board meeting?" Dilbert replies, "I have the male 'work avoidance chromosome.' I can detect unnecessary work, thereby avoiding it." Alice says angrily, "We ALL have to be ready to present something!" Wally peers over the cubicle wall and say, "Could you hold it down? I'm trying to sleep."
At the staff meeting, The Boss says, "From now on I'll be using the chaos theory of management." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice all have question marks over their heads and are confused. Wally says, "And this will be different how?" The Boss says, "Now there's a name for it."
The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We can succeed if each of you will commit to giving 110 percent." Wally says, "That would be ten percent over the theoretical maximum." Dilbert adds, "Can't be done." Wally says, "Plus you have your vacation days and your sick days . . ." Dilbert continues, "Heck, these staff meetings take ten percent right off the top . . . Wally asks, "And what about all the times something unexpected comes up?" Wally says, "I think we could give you . . . What?" Dilbert says, "Forty-three percent." Wally adds, "And that's not a commitment." Dilbert says, "It's an estimate." The Boss asks, "Can we continue the meeting now?" Dilbert replies, "I'm over my estimate for today."