Mining Data Comic Strips
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200 Results for Mining Data
View 1 - 10 results for mining data comic strips. Discover the best "Mining Data" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday January 05,
2000
Tags #data, #make face, #quite shoccking, #sales higest, #mining data
Transcript
The boss and Dogbert are in a meeting, Dogbert is wearing a mining hard hat. The boss says: "Our consultant has been mining all day." Dogbert says: "The results are quite shocking." The boss is sitting between Dilbert and Dogbert, he is reading a sheet of paper. The boss says: "According to the data, sales are always highest when I do this..." The boss pulls the side of his mouth with one hand and pulls his nose up with the other, Dilbert and Dogbert look at him.
Monday January 03,
2000
Tags #dogcart consults, #data mining, #uncover sales, #mine data, #messages, #tie and shirt, #messages from god
Transcript
Dogbert Consults: The boss is sitting at his desk and Dogbert is on top of his desk. Dogbert says to the boss: "You need to do data mining to uncover hidden sales trends." Dogbert says: "If you mine the data hard enough, you can also find messages from God." The boss and Dogbert are in a meeting, on the table Dogbert has sheets of paper and shows them to the boss there is also a laptop. Dogbert says to the boss: "...sales to lefthanded squirrels are up...and God says your tie doesn't go with that shirt."
Monday November 13,
2000
Tags #gigantic database, #customer behavior, #information, #non linear math, #data mining technology, #optimize retail channels, #spam, #meeting here
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "We have a gigantic database full of customer behavior information." Dilbert says, "Excellent. We can use non-linear math and data mining technology to optimize our retail channels!" The Boss says to Dilbert, "If that's the same thing as spam, we're having a good meeting here."
Tuesday January 04,
2000
Tags #dogcart consults, #data minig, #another message, #stealing lunches, #refigerator, #break room, #pudding
Transcript
Dogbert consults: The boss and Dogbert are in a meeting, Dogbert is typing on a laptop. Dogbert says to the boss: "My data-mining software has found another message from God." Dogbert says to the boss: "It says you've been stealing lunches from the refrigerator in the break room." The boss looks surprised and scared. Dogbert says to the boss: "Then it says, "Ha ha, that wasn't pudding!"" The boss covers his mouth with both hands.
Thursday January 18,
2018
Data Encapsulation
Tags #inheritance polymorphism, #managing, #bullying, #data encapsulation
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you know the difference between data encapsulation and inheritance polymorphism? The boss: No. Dilbert: Then how can you manage someone who odes? The boss; Do you know the difference between managing and bullying? Dilbert: No. The Boss: Problem solved.
Tuesday April 03,
2018
Bad Data
Tags #data, #information, #accuracy
Transcript
Boss: What does the data tell us to do? Dilbert: We only have bad data on this. Boss: Does the bad data suggest we should do what we wanted to do anyway? Dilbert: Well, yes. Boss: That's called "good data."
Monday May 07,
2018
Massive Data Breach
Tags #data, #facebook, #privacy, #apology, #statement, #big business, #lying, #damage control
Transcript
Dilbert: We had a massive data breach. Hackers got into the private data of all of our customers. Boss: No problem. We'll issue a press release that says we're sorry and it will never happen again. Dilbert: That's what we said the last three times it happened. Boss: Our strategy is to wear them down.
Wednesday February 20,
2019
Adjust The Data
Tags #business ethics, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office, #research, #tests, #data
Transcript
Dilbert: The test data doesn't support our plan. Boss: We know our plan is brilliant, so just adjust the data to support it. Dilbert: You mean falsify the data. Boss: Let's not get hung up on the definition of things.
Saturday January 25,
2020
Data Can Only Mean One Thing
Tags #business, #office workers, #sarcasm, #data, #analyze
Transcript
ted: this data can mean only one thing. dilbert: actually, it can mean any one of about seventeen things. ted: then why can i think of only one? dilbert: please don't make me answer that.
Thursday March 12,
2020
Selling Private Data
Tags #business, #job, #management, #cloud, #data, #people, #private, #information, #laugh, #market, #sell, #email, #friend
Transcript
dogbert: the only reason i took a job managing cloud data is so i could laugh at people's private information. dogbert: then i discovered a robust market for selling that kind of stuff, so it's a twofer. dilbert: we need to talk. dogbert: sure. just email your thoughts to a friend, and i'll probably read them.