Misplaced Optimism Comic Strips
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51 Results for Misplaced Optimism
View 1 - 10 results for misplaced optimism comic strips. Discover the best "Misplaced Optimism" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday November 11,
1996
Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #get extra engineer, #project, #transfer, #loser, #comapny, #misplaced optimism
Transcript
Catbert sits at his desk and says, "There are two ways to get an extra engineer for your project." Catbert continues, "You can transfer some unqualified loser from within the company . . ." Dilbert asks, "Or?" Catbert says, "Not so fast. I like to savor the moment before I crush your misplaced optimism."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday May 18,
1995
Tags #business case, #various mangers, #being misplaced, #kill for personal gain, #buried, #not cremeated, #lasting impression, #earth, #mail corpse
Transcript
Dilbert arrives at home and says to Dogbert, "Today I distributed 36 copies of my business case to various managers for approval." Dilbert sits on the armrest of the couch and continues, "By my count, 20 are being misplaced, 6 managers will try to kill it for personal gain and 10 will come back with irrelevant questions." Dilbert says, "When I die I want to be buried, not cremated, so I can at least make ONE lasting impression on the earth." Dogbert says, "I was planning to mail your corpse to somebody I don't like."
Thursday April 02,
1998
Tags #improve moral, #prescribing anti depressants, #unwarranted optimism, #dead end job, #pills, #hr prescribed drugs, #employees happiness
Transcript
Alice says to Wally and Dilbert, "Human resources is prescribing powerful antidepressants to improve morale." Alice continues, "The label says it may cause 'unwarranted optimism about you dead-end job.'" Wally, "I gotta get me some of that."
Friday October 01,
1999
Tags #dont understand, #follow a process, #failed thirty times, #optimism
Transcript
Dilbert stands at desk of The Boss and says, "Here's what I don't understand..." Dilbert says, "You just asked me to follow a process that has failed thirty times in a row and you know it." Dilbert says, "At what point can this no longer be called 'optimism'?" The Boss says, "When it succeeds?"
Friday February 11,
2000
Tags #cynics annonymous, #fluorescent lights, #higher power, #naive optimism, #perfect emplyee
Transcript
Catbert tells Dilbert: "Dilbert, you've become too aware of reality. I'm sending you to 'Cynics Anonymous.'" Catbert continues: "A higher power will help you regain the naive optimism that once made you a perfect employee." Dilbert says: "Why can't the higher power change me while I'm sitting here?" Catbert answers: "Fluorescent lights block his power."
Monday November 19,
2001
Tags #elbonia, #mud delivery business, #stockholders, #huge profits, #illeagal, #no law, #against optimism
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, you're going to Elbonia to shut down our Elbonian mud delivery business." The Boss continues, "Meanwhile, I'll tell our stockholders that we expect the mud delivery business to make huge profits." Dilbert says, "Um... is this illegal?" The Boss replies, "There's no law against optimism! I checked."
Monday September 01,
2003
Tags #times are tough, #optimism, #find good in bad, #wild pigs, #pigs are cute
Transcript
The boss: "Alice, I know that times are tough. But you need to show more optimism." The Boss: "Try to find the good thing in any bad situation." "Our entire sales force has been eaten by wild pigs." Alice: "Pigs are cute!"
Saturday October 11,
2003
Tags #top down budget, #bottom up budget, #ignorance, #cruelty, #lying, #optimism, #cancel, #wasted hour
Transcript
Man: "I averaged the top-down budget with the bottom-up budget." "As you can see, the ignorance and cruelty canceled out the lying and optimism." Alice: "Do you have anything to cancel out feelings of a wasted hour?" Man: "Have you tried despair?"
Thursday December 11,
2003
Tags #insincere optimism, #artificial sense of urgency, #delusion, #work for challenge, #not money, #good ideas, #sound bad
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm developing an insincere optimism to complement my artificial sense of urgency. Dilbert: I hope to top it off with a delusion that I work for the challenge and not the money. The Boss: How can you make good ideas sound so bad? Dilbert: Im an engineer.
Thursday November 18,
2004
Tags #optimism, #blah blah, #record growth, #not litening, #inappropriate
Transcript
"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." "I wasn't listening. I'll try some optimism. That works in every situation." "I hope we'll see record growth!" "In my prostate?"