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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #poor mangement, #missed gaols, #360 review, #doing great, #menat to say, #back pedal

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Boss: You missed all of your goals. Dilbert: Because of poor management. I'll go into more detail when I do my 360-degree review of you. Boss: I meant to say you're doing great. Dilbert: That's what I meant to say too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #stress, #meltdown cubicle, #theoretical workload limit, #brains full, #becomes overdue, #projects overdue, #tasks, #urgent, #funny noise, #missed dead line

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Voice: Meltdown in cubicle 459540! Dilbert: That's Te. He must have reached his T.W.L. Asok: His what? Dilbert: Theoretical workload limit. In layman's terms, his brain is full. It starts when just one of your projects becomes overdue. You end up spending all of your time explaining why you didn't get it done. That makes all of your other projects overdue. When ever task become urgent, your brain can't decide what to do next. Brains make a funny noise when they shut down. Noise: Poink. Asok: Uh-oh. I just missed a deadline. Wally: And so it begins.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #move to big building, #regular job, #so unimprotant, #won't be missed, #work on something, #month, #business

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The Boss says, "Tina, you'll be in charge of our move to the new building." Tina says, "That means you think my regular job is so unimportant that I won't be missed if I work on something else for a month." The Boss says, "If it makes you feel any better, this will take longer than a month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 1999's comic on:


Tags #biggest customer, #missed deadline, #overnight mail, #evil and lazy, #bonus effort, #second guess

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The boss says, to Alice, "Alice, we lost our biggest customer because you missed the R.F.Q. deadline." Alice says, "That's because YOU said all overnight mail must go through your evil and lazy secretary." Alice says, "So you're probably going to apologize and give me a bonus for my effort." the boss says, "What's your second guess?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2000's comic on:


Tags #fake disability leave, #missed camaraderie, #stimulating conversation, #didn't know gone, #not missed

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With Dilbert's back turned facing his computer, Wally says "I came back early from my fake disability leave." Wally continues, "I missed the camaraderie and the stimulating conversation." Dilbert replies without turning to face Wally, "I didn't know you were gone." Wally replies, "Not bad for a Tuesday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2003's comic on:


Tags #dismissal email foloowed, #found pen, #human resources, #layoffs, #mass email sent, #missed bid deadline, #not enough bandwidth, #business

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Carol is sitting at her desk. She picks up a pen and thinks, "Who left their pen at my desk?" Carol continues to think, "I'd better send out a companywide e-mail to find out." A coworker responds to Carol's e-mail, "I can't believe you're wasting everyone's time with this!" Alice types, "Stop using the 'reply to all' feature you morons!" Carol looks down at the pen again and thinks, "Wait.. I think this might be my pen. I'd better send a correction." Dilbert sits across from the Boss. Dilbert says, "We missed a bid deadline because our e-mail system was overloaded." The Boss thinks, "Layoffs." The Boss hands Carol a piece of paper and says, "Send this list to Human Resources." Carol exclaims, "Do I look like I'm made of time?!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #absent mindedness, #annoyance, #status upadte, #multitask, #one task, #doubling rate of failure, #useless blob of carbon

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Alice: Seriously? You're going to do email while I give my status update? Boss: Don't worry. I can multitask. Alice: Multitask? you can barely do one task properly. All you're doing is doubling your rate of failure. Congratulations on becoming the most useless blob of carbon in the universe. Boss: What? Sorry. I missed that. Alice: I said my project is on schedule. Boss: Okay. Great. Alice: This totally works for me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1989's comic on:


Tags #test, #discover, #tie

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dogbert says, "I don't quite understand what scientific principle you intend to discover with a bowl of soup and a necktie." Dilbert waves his tie back and forth as he explains, "I'm testing the strange attraction between staining liquids and new ties." The bowl of soup flies across the table and spills on Dilbert's tie. Dogbert says, "I wonder how Newton missed this little gravitational oddity." Dilbert replies, "He didn't wear a necktie."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #absence, #mother, #nature, #absence dog, #cloned, #sick, #woman, #employee, #leave of absence

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Dilbert sits at his desk. A woman says, "Dilbert, I need to fill out an absence report for the days you missed work." Dilbert replies, "Well, Mother Nature got mad and had wild deer kill me. But my garbage man and my dog cloned me back to life." The woman says, "I'll put 'sick.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #nurse, #Dogbert, #laptop, #computer, #before

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Dilbert: I missed my Doctor's appointment. Can I reschedule it? Nurse: Why did you miss it? Dilbert: I was sick. Nurse: Yeah, like I haven't heard that one before.