Money To Consultants Comic Strips
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628 Results for Money To Consultants
View 1 - 10 results for money to consultants comic strips. Discover the best "Money To Consultants" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday April 20,
1994
Tags #out bidding, #control, #dsn, #creative investoment, #money, #consultants, #spending, #fast
Transcript
"Bad news sir - our arch rivals are out-bidding us for control of DSN." "Apparently they have even less creative investment ideas than we do." "Quick! Give more money to our consultants!" "They're spending as fast as they can, Sir!!"
Monday November 20,
1995
Tags #dogbert the consultant, #reorganize, #core comeptency, #giving money, #consultants
Transcript
The Boss sits across from Dogbert's desk. Dogbert says, "I recommend that you reorganize to strengthen the core competency of your company." Dogbert continues, "As luck would have it, your core competency is 'giving money to consultants.'" The Boss says, "I don't think that's the ONLY thing we're good at." Dogbert responds, "It depends on if you count 'whining.'"
Wednesday June 12,
1996
Tags #new logo, #sloppy, #unimaginative, #money to consultants, #little return, #too good, #opinions
Transcript
Dogbert, the Boss, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert stands on the table, holds up a piece of paper and says, "Your new logo might look like a simple coffee stain, but what does the image say about you?" Dilbert asks, "We're sloppy and unimaginative?" Alice asks, "We give lots of money to consultants and get little in return?" Dogbert looks at the logo and says, "Wow. This is almost TOO good." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Ooh ooh! How about 'Our opinions don't matter?'"
Sunday June 03,
2001
Tags #save money, #firings, #consultants, #flossie, #highly technical work, #invitation, #shake hands, #greeting ritual, #brain overload, #raise rates, #over reacts, #dumb woman, #lost, #freak, #new hire
Transcript
The Boss comes into Brian's cubicle and says, "I'm sorry, Brian. I have to fire all my consultants to save money." Brian turns to the Boss and asks, "Who will do your highly technical work?" The Boss brings in a woman and says to Brian, "You can transfer all your knowledge to Flossie." Brian holds out his hand to shake hands and says, "Hi." Flossie grips a pencil in her hand and says, "What's with the hand? Do you want to borrow my pencil?" Brian replies, "Um...no. This is an invitation to shake hands. It's a greeting ritual." Flossie grabs her head and shouts, "OUCH!! Brain overload!! It's too much information!!" Flossie puts both hands on either side of her head and repeats, "Purge! Purge! Purge!" Flossie stares at Brian blankly and says calmly, "Where am I?" Brian thinks to himself, "I need to raise my rates."
Friday August 19,
1994
Tags #dogbert outplacement agebcy, #doa, #freelance consulatants, #cubicles, #earn no money, #equipped, #phone, #refurbished ego
Transcript
Dogbert: welcome to the dogcart outplacement agency, or "DOA" as I call it. Dogbert: Here, Nobody "unemployed" You're freelance consultants who sit in cubicles and earn no money! Every cubicle is equipped with a phone and a refurbished ego. ego: I will not work with that thing.
Tuesday January 27,
2015
Takes Money To Make Money
Tags #asking questions, #faith, #idiom, #idioms, #money, #questioning, #sayings
Transcript
Boss: It takes money to make money. Dilbert: Then... where did the first money come from? Boss: God? Dilbert: Don't let him hear doubt in your voice.
Monday August 28,
2017
Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks
Tags #rich people, #money, #stock market, #investments, #out of touch, #obliviousness, #stratification
Transcript
CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?
Saturday February 03,
2018
Money Can't Buy Happiness
Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses, #psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.
Thursday May 31,
2018
Employees Who Don't Want Money
Tags #motivation, #money, #optimism, #ambition
Transcript
Boss: I don't want employees who are motivated by money. I want true believers who are trying to make the world a better place. Wally: Those people sound crazy. Dilbert: Can you warn us if you see one?
Saturday October 06,
2018
Spending The Company's Money
Tags #Dilbert, #price, #high, #ted, #company, #money, #live, #die, #minute, #sense
Transcript
Dilbert: This price is too high. Ted: Why do you care? You're spending the company's money, not your own. And the company doesn't care if you live or die. Dilbert: Give me a minutes to think of why that doesn't make sense. Ted: Take as long as you need.