Monkeys Comic Strips
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29 Results for Monkeys
View 1 - 10 results for monkeys comic strips. Discover the best "Monkeys" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday July 03,
2018
Dilbert And Monkeys
Tags #motivation, #work ethic, #engagement, #monkeys
Transcript
Dilbert: I don't feel my job is helping me reach my human potential. Boss: We only pay you because monkeys are hard to train and robots are expensive. Dilbert; Maybe I'll just play with my phone and pretend to work. Boss: That's what got the monkey fired.
Monday April 29,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #cerberus, #honor, #attention, #preppared, #challenge, #death, #monkeys, #winged
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Ask my secretary to schedule a meeting." Dilbert thinks, "Groan." Dilbert kneels in front of the secretary's desk and says, "Uh . . . Excuse me . . . Excuse me . . . Miss Cerberus, could a humble employee have the honor of your attention?" The secretary yells, "Are you prepared to take the challenge of death?!!" Dilbert asks, "Does this involve any winged monkeys?"
Tuesday March 01,
1994
Tags #reengineering, #questioning employees, #get fired, #objective data, #business process, #flying monkeys, #finished design
Transcript
The boss: engineering is simple. you start by questioning the employees who would get fired if you succeeded. The Boss: Then you use data to design a more efficient business process. Dilbert: So...you say you use flying monkeys to deliver the finished design? Men: They're very fast.
Friday April 01,
1994
Tags #evolution favors monkeys, #cages, #as pets, #humans treated
Transcript
Zimbu: evolution favors monkeys, Eventually humans will be kept in cages as pets. Dilbert: Impossible! we humans will never allow ourselves to be treated like that! Now get out of the cubicle,
Wednesday August 24,
1994
Tags #boot camp, #conquer the earth, #genetic mutations, #half man, #sea monkeys, #half cucumber
Transcript
"What are you planting?" "I'm growing an army of genetic mutants to do my bidding." "Half man, half giant cucumber, these unthinking brutes will help me conquer the Earth!" "Didn't you try this with sea monkeys last year?" "None of them survived boot camp."
Thursday February 09,
1995
Tags #fourth day, #telecommuting, #clothes useless, #struck by question, #monkeys, #beards, #discuss issue, #attendance low, #around table, #introduce
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk at home. He is naked. He types in his daily log, "On my forth day of telecommuting I realize that clothes are totally unnecessary." Dilbert strokes his unshaven face and thinks, "Hey!" The log reads, "Suddenly I am struck by a question: why don't monkeys grow beards?" The log reads, "I call a meeting to discuss the issue but attendance is low." Dilbert sits at a conference table with Ratbert. Dilbert reads from a document, "Issue one: monkey beards." Ratbert says, "Let's go around the table and introduce ourselves."
Sunday July 28,
1991
Tags #Dogbert, #friend, #service, #questions, #accidentally, #borrowed, #tool, #lethal, #trap, #qualified, #sea monkeys
Transcript
The sign over Dogbert's desk reads, "Dogbert's Find-A-Friend Service." A man says, "I'd like to find a friend." Dogbert says, "Have a seat." Dogbert says, "I need to ask a few questions, so I don't accidentally match you with somebody who's too good for you." Dogbert says, "One: When a friend doesn't return a borrowed tool, do you? a: Make sarcastic comments; b: buy a new tool; c: set a lethal trap." The man answers, "C: Set a lethal trap." Later, Dogbert reads the results of the test and says, "I'm afraid you haven't qualified for a normal friend . . . I could set you up with somebody who's new in town, but it wouldn't last." Dogbert says, "There's one option . . . Two, if you count growing sea monkeys." The man stands at Dilbert's door. Dilbert says, "Yes, I hate sea monkeys too. Who are you?"
Wednesday October 15,
1997
Tags #monkeys, #pick stocks, #dogbert mutual fund, #better professional, #employee only monkeys, #high fees, #hiring the best, #paid commercial
Transcript
On television, Dogbert speaks in a paid commercial about his mutual fund. Dogbert says, "Studies have shown that monkeys can pick stocks better than most professionals." The Boss watches the tv commercial. Dogbert says, "That's why the Dogbert mutual fund employs only monkeys." Dogbert sits at a desk surrounded by monkeys. Dogbert says, "Yes, our fees are high, but I don't apologize for hiring the best."
Thursday January 16,
1997
Tags #answer this quiz, #bill gates, #towel boy, #humans are primates, #three monkeys, #stupid trick question
Transcript
Dilbert stands in a room filled with electronic equipment. A voice coming from a monitor says, "You have been chosen as Bill Gates' towel boy. But first you must answer this quiz." The voice continues, "You're in a room with three monkeys. One has a banana, one has a stick, one has nothing. Which primate is the smartest?" Dilbert says, "Um . . ." Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dogbert says, "I guess the successful towel boys know that humans are primates too." DIlbert says angrily, "Stupid trick question."
Sunday November 01,
1998
Tags #morale problem, #boss solutions, #knickname for group, #scatalogical, #involves monkeys, #meeting, #decide nickname, #suggestions, #business
Transcript
The Boss stands at the front of the room in front of an easel that says "Morale Problem." The Boss says, "I have a solution to our morale problem." The Boss continues, "We need a nickname for our group." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Can it be something scatological?" The Boss replies, "Ummm...no." Wally asks, "How about something that involves monkeys?" The Boss says, "I don't think so." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Oooh...but can it be something that's both scatological AND involves monkeys?" Wally walks out of the meeting and says, "It's hard to be optimistic when he's so grumpy."