Most Qualified Applicant Comic Strips
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282 Results for Most Qualified Applicant
View 1 - 10 results for most qualified applicant comic strips. Discover the best "Most Qualified Applicant" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday January 30,
2007
Tags #analyzed dna, #most qualified applicant, #willing to work, #has three ears, #snout, #life expectancy of thursday, #new guy
Transcript
Dogbert: I analyzed the DNA of all of your applicants to find the best fit for the job. The most qualified applicant who is willing to work for you has three ears, a snout, and a life expectancy of Thursday." The Boss: Dilbert, meet the new guy. And do it quickly." cough cough
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Sunday November 23,
2003
Tags #job applaicants, #new batch, #500 qualified people, #who wants job, #pummel each applicat, #very soft itmes, #harder materials, #sugar doughnut, #their attitudes, #upbeat
Transcript
CatBert: "The new batch of job applicants is more desperate than usual." "Excellent." The Boss: "Five hundred qualified people applied for this position." "Who wants this job the most?" "I plan to pummel each applicant with a variety of objects, beginning with very soft items." "Then I'll gradually move toward harder materials until only one person is left." "I'll begin with this soft sugar doughnut." "ZING. PIFF!" "Thank you." CAtBert: "How are theur attitudes?" "Refreshingly upbeat!"
Tuesday July 12,
1994
Tags #qualified, #technology, #artcile, #smarter, #microsoft corportaion, #most geniuses, #millionaires, #smart
Transcript
Dilbert: "What makes you think you're qualified to be a technology columnist?" Dogbert: "It's easy." "In this article I explain why I'm smarter than the entire Microsoft corporation." Dilbert: "Actually, they're mostly geniuses. And many are millionaires." Dogbert: "If they're so smart, why aren't they columnists?"
Saturday May 12,
2012
Tags #retail business, #sales drop, #retail stores, #self checkout, #dumb customers, #most shoplifted
Transcript
Finance Troll: Our sales have dropped to zero in retail stores that have self-checkout. Apparently the people who are dumb enough to want our product are too dumb to know how to use the self-checkout. On a positive note, we have the most shoplifted product of the year. Boss: Yes!
Wednesday October 23,
1991
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #high school, #yearbook, #ages, #mike, #voted, #succeed, #most, #beautiful, #potato, #resembles, #himself
Transcript
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I haven't looked at my high school yearbook in ages." Dilbert sits on the floor and leans against the hassock. Dilbert says, "There's Mike - voted Most Likely to Succeed . . . And Lucy - voted Most Beautiful . . ." Dogbert looks over Dilbert's shoulder and asks, "Where are you?" Dilbert replies, "Dilbert - 'Most Likely to Find a Potato That Resembles Himself.'" Dogbert asks, "Who hasn't?"
Tuesday January 04,
1994
Tags #organization chart, #management, #bottom, #most important employees, #payed least, #upside down chart
Transcript
The Boss: We've redesigned the organization chart to show management at the BOTTOM supporting our most important employees! Dilbert: Question: why do the most important employees get payed the least? The Boss; Because they would never think of ideas like this upside- down chart concept.
Tuesday June 21,
1994
Tags #most talented, #technical professional, #Dogbert, #professional head hunter
Transcript
"Hello, this is Dogbert's professional headhunting service." "I find jobs for the most talented technical professionals. Several people mentioned your name." "So, is it true they'll be looking for somebody to fill your job soon? Hello?"
Saturday March 25,
1995
Tags #most user freindly, #computer, #pre insatlled, #software, #one button, #leaves factory, #over my head, #tech support number, #technology, #engineering
Transcript
Dilbert is in a computer retail store. The salesman points to a computer and explains, ". . . but by far, this computer is our most user-friendly." The salesman continues, "The pre-installed software has only one button. And we press it before it leaves the factory." Dilbert asks, "What does it do?" The salesman waves his hands and says, "Whoa! I'm in over my head. Let me give you their tech support number."
Friday September 22,
1995
Tags #add resource, #human beings, #not resources, #most valuable asset
Transcript
The Boss approaches Alice who is seated at her desk. He asks, "Alice, I've decided to add a resource to your project." Alice screams, "We're human beings, not 'resources!!'" The Boss looks stunned as he replies, "Would it help if I told you that resources are our most valuable asset?"
Monday December 04,
1995
Tags #engineers, #field support people, #inferior technology, #most attractive feamle, #prodcuts
Transcript
Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table with a sales rep. As they look through some folders, the woman says, "On one hand, my company does use inferior technology in our products . . ." The salesperson continues, "But on the other hand, I'm the most attractive female who has paid attention to you this year." Dilbert responds angrily, "What kind of engineers do you think we are??!" Wally asks, "Do you have pictures of your field support people?"