Mostly Cosmetic Change Comic Strips
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Dilbert is tinkering with a machine. He says to Dogbert, "My invention will turn people into mindless sheep." Dogbert responds, "I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change." Dilbert has been transformed into a sheep, but he doesn't know it. He continues to tinker with the machine and asks, "Dogbert, did you unplug it as I asked you?" Dogbert replies, "Couldn't be bothered."
Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't accomplish anything this year. Dilbert: Are you insane? I completely redesigned our line of products!!! Boss: That was mostly last year. Dilbert: You didn't give me a raise last year because I wasn't finished until January of this year. Now you aren't giving me a raise this year because I did most of the work last year. Give me one reason I shouldn't quit right now! Boss: Because every other company is just as bad. And you don't like change. Dilbert: I said one reason!
dilbert: how are the tech support calls going? dogbert: great. i'm blaming all of our product flaws on climate change, and people are totally buying it. dilbert: that doesn't make sense. dogbert: you'd be surprised how little that matters.
Dilbert: Can you look at this bid and let me know if I can order the hardware? Boss: yes. Dilbert: Are you saying yes I can order the hardware, or yes you'll look at it? Boss: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: What? Boss: I need your input on my Powerpoint deck. Dilbert: So far, in response to my request, you've given me ambiguity, mumbling, and a change of subject. Would you prefer that I badger you for an answer until you get angry, or should I return to my cubicle and resume being ineffective? Boss: You ask too many questions.
Boss: I'm taking an online class to develop my charisma. Dilbert: Let's see a sample. Boss: Do what I say and you can change the world while you die from stress-related health issues! That felt right. Dilbert: You nailed it.
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dilbert says, "No, you may NOT borrow the car to go cruising." Dogbert says, "I think we should vote on it." Dilbert replies, "Heh-heh . . Okay, but a tie means no change in the decision." Dogbert says, "Fair enough." Dogbert thinks as he drives the car, "I'm glad he didn't demand a recount."
Dilbert enters an auto service store and says to an auto mechanic, "Just a quick question: is is necessary to change my oil . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . Or can I just keep letting it run dry and then add new oil?" The car mechanic looks shocked. The mechanic screams and falls to the ground. Dilbert looks at the reader and says, "I think the answer is going to be 'no' to that second option."
Dogbert sits across from a customer service representative in a bank. The woman says, "Well, Mr. Dogbert, what could I do to convince you to put your new wealth in our bank?" Dogbert replies, "Stretch your polyester pants over the top of your head." As the woman pulls her pants over her head, Dogbert says, "I hope money doesn't change me."
One Elbonian asks another, "How many left-handed Elbonians does it take to change a light bulb?" The Elbonian says, "None! Left-handed Elbonians don't have any light bulbs!" The other Elbonian asks, "What's a light bulb?" The Elbonian replies, "I guess it would be funnier if we knew that."