My Guru Comic Strips
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6 Results for My Guru
View 1 - 6 results for my guru comic strips. Discover the best "My Guru" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday November 09,
1995
Tags #saint dogbert, #land of cubicles, #demons, #computer guru, #data base concepts, #monster, #dispatched, #actual code
Transcript
The caption says, "Saint Dogbert enters the Land of Cubicles searching for the demons of stupidity." Dogbert walks down the hall wearing a bishop's miter and holding a scepter. The caption says, "Suddenly he finds an over-promoted computer guru spouting useless database concepts." A man sits at a conference table with two glassy-eyed co-workers. The man says, "You'd be fools to ignore the boolean anti-binary least-square approach." The caption says, "The monster is dispatched to the dark world by the sight of its most feared object." Dogbert stands on the conference table holding a document in front of the man. Dogbert says, "Look! Actual code!" The man's head melts into his shirt and a co-worker says, "Cool!"
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday April 04,
2005
Tags #nick name, #illusion of competence, #the wizard, #info guru, #punch more, #break room, #coffee
Transcript
Wally: I need a nickname to create the illutsion of competence.<Br>"I was thinking along the lines of "the wizard" or "info-guru."" I've never wanted to punch you more than at this very moment."
Tuesday April 05,
2005
Tags #nickname, #the wizard, #my guru, #the lizard, #small brain, #ambition, #catches quicker
Transcript
Wally: "From now on, my nickname ill be "the wizard." It wpeaks to my guru status." Alice: "I think I'll call you "the lizard." IT speaks to your small brain and lack of ambition." wally: "Please don't." Alice: "Let's see which one catches on quicker."
Friday March 31,
2006
Tags #marketing guru, #tractor sized mp3 players, #free ipod, #pricing
Transcript
The Marketing Guru "Consumers will buy our tractor-sized mp3 players if we offer something free with each one." "So we'll offer a free iPod with each sale, and free towing to the landfill for our mp3 player." "The rest is just pricing."
Saturday January 06,
2007
Tags #diet guru, #fewer groceries, #last meal, #motivation, #murder, #stop eating, #threaten
Transcript
Dogbert: Diet Guru Dogcart: Try stuffing fewer groceries down your maw." "I was hoping you'd give me motivation. Stop eating or I'll kill you. The Boss: Would I get a last meal?"
Saturday April 01,
2006
Tags #angelica jolie lips, #mp3 player, #must never soeak
Transcript
The Marketing Guru "Your mp3 player is large and scary, but I can fix that." "All it needs is a set of Angelina Jolie lips and everyone will love it." Six Months Later "We must never speak of this."