My Perfromance Comic Strips
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36 Results for My Perfromance
View 1 - 10 results for my perfromance comic strips. Discover the best "My Perfromance" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday March 25,
2011
Tags #deception, #managers & supervisors, #learn from mistakes, #make alits, #wrong this year, #coincidence, #perfromance reviews, #management legends, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "We can learn from our mistakes. Let's make a list of the things that each of you did wrong this year." Dilbert says, "It is just a coincidence that our annual performance reviews are due next week?" The Boss says, "It would have been the stuff of management legends." Catbert says, "Very nice try."
Saturday November 19,
1994
Tags #job performance, #reflects on boss, #balance of power, #get fired, #low job perfromance, #wally hold hostage
Transcript
Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I suddenly realized that MY job performance reflects on YOUR career." Wally continues, "The balance of power has shifted. Unless I get what I want, I'll lower my performance until you get fired." The Boss responds, "Ha! There's no way you could lower your job performance." Wally says, "Curse your eyes!"
Thursday February 23,
1995
Tags #perfromance appraisel, #four years, #starting documentation, #fire me later, #24 hours aday, #motivational
Transcript
The Boss stands behind Alice's desk and says, "Alice, I'm almost done with your performance appraisal." Alice looks horrified and gasps. Alice turns her chair to face the Boss and says, "I haven't had an appraisal in four years. You must be starting a documentation trail so you can fire me later." Alice types wildly and yells, "I'LL WORK 24 HOURS A DAY!!" The Boss thinks, "That was way more motivational than I'd hoped."
Friday February 24,
1995
Tags #performance review, #years of rejection, #general disdain, #simian, #perfromance
Transcript
Alice tells Wally and Dilbert, "I'm terrified about my performance review tomorrow." Alice continues, "Men have it easier. You've been conditioned by years of rejection and general disdain." Wally responds, "We're lucky that way." The Boss sits at his desk and reads a document to a male worker sitting across from him. The Boss says, "Overall, I rated your performance as 'simian.'" The worker responds, "Thanks!"
Friday February 09,
1996
Tags #move project, #due date, #reach objective, #perfromance
Transcript
Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Wally, I've decided to move your project due date up a month." Wally responds angrily, "Every time it looks like I'll reach an objective, you move it! What does this prove about my performance?" The Boss answers, "It proves I'm better at setting objectives than you are at achieving them."
Saturday January 11,
1997
Tags #perfromance review, #napping, #key board face, #qwertytis, #working hard
Transcript
Wally says to Dilbert, "Wish me luck. I'm off to get my performance review." Dilbert says, "Have you been napping? You've got a bad case of keyboard face." Wally has several indentations on his cheek. The Boss asks Wally, "What's wrong with your face?" Wally replies, "I have Qwertytis. It's from working too hard."
Monday January 20,
1997
Tags #bad news, #perfromance review, #bell curve, #make up flaws, #does not wash hands, #after restroom
Transcript
The Boss tells Wally, "Bad news on your performance review, Wally." The Boss continues, "Everyone performed the same. But I'm required to rank the group on a bell curve." The Boss continues, "I had to make up some flaws to move you down the curve. Here's a pen. Sign it." Wally reads the review, "Employee does not wash hands after using the restroom."
Tuesday January 21,
1997
Tags #perfromance review, #alleged misdeeds, #lower rating, #fit bell curve, #selling crack
Transcript
Wally tells the Boss, "I can't sign this performance review! It's full of alleged misdeeds that you invented to lower my rating!" The Boss replies, "Yes, but I think it reflects the sort of things you MIGHT do. I had to make all the reviews fit a bell curve." Wally screams, "I am NOT selling crack from my cubicle!!!"
Monday April 07,
1997
Tags #good perfromance, #deal with ambiguity, #indecisive leadership, #flexible, #not indecisive
Transcript
Alice sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Alice, your performance is good, but you must learn to deal with ambiguity." Alice asks, "Did I just get blamed for your indecisive leadership?" The Boss replies, "I'm not indecisive; I'm flexible." Alice says, "That would explain how your head got where it is."
Tuesday July 22,
1997
Tags #perfromance review, #meeting over, #stood up, #boss, #talked about himself, #self centered, #egotistical, #unprofessional
Transcript
The Boss stands behind his desk and says to Asok who is seated in front, "...and that's your performance review. Any questions?" Asok the intern says, "You talked about yourself for the full hour. Can we talk about me?" The Boss says, "Okay. YOU don't seem to know that YOUR meeting is over when YOU see me stand up." Asok says, "ooh."