Nano Bit Project Comic Strips
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769 Results for Nano Bit Project
View 1 - 10 results for nano bit project comic strips. Discover the best "Nano Bit Project" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 21,
2003
Tags #nano bit project, #Dilbert, #take over, #everyone busy, #face in allaegators, #one cracker a day, #cracker time, #quitting tomorrow, #four problems
Transcript
Alice: "I don't have time to work on the nanobit project." The Boss: "No problem. Tell Dilbert I said he should take over." Two minutes later Dilbert: "I'm way, way too busy." The Boss: "Fine. Tell Wally to do it." Two minutes later. Wally: "I'm up to your face in alligators!" The Boss: "Okay, okay... hand it off to Asok." Two minutes later. Asok: "But already I only have time to eat one cracker a day." The Boss: "Tell Ted I said.." Ted: "Sure, I'll do it. No problem." Asok: "Mmm.. cracker time." Ted: "I'm quitting tomorrow." The Boss: "I solved four problems today!"
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Sunday July 31,
1994
Tags #boost morale, #alpha project, #atta boy certificate, #lazy imposter, #wallyina, #indian name, #gives award, #alice gets award
Transcript
"I'd like to boost morale by presenting this 'Attaboy' certificate to Willy." "It's Wally, not Willy." "I becomes an A with a dot over it." "Wink" "Anyway, this is for your good work on the Alpha project." "Thanks, but I didn't work on the Alpha project." "Get out of my sight, you lazy imposter!" "With a little bit of luck, I can pull this out." "I give you your Indian name: Wallyina"
Sunday September 28,
1997
Tags #boss zone, #donuts on hair, #executive retreat, #failure, #one month, #project, #six phases, #uncertainty, #approval
Transcript
The Boss sits at his desk and hands a piece of paper to Alice. The Boss says, "Get my approval at each phase. Finish in one month." Alice looks at the paper and says, "Let's see.. You're on vacation next week. Then you're traveling, then there's an executive retreat..." Alice continues while the Boss appears to listen, "It takes three weeks to get on your calendar... and the project has six phases..." Alice says, "What we have here is guaranteed failure." Alice says, "You've left nothing to chance on this one." Alice says, "I mean, normally there's a bit of uncertainty, but you've..oh." Alice says, "You've slipped into the "Boss Zone" where you can't see or hear employee input." The Boss is a zombie and Alice waves her hand in front of his eyes to no effect. The Boss says to Carol, his secretary, "It's weird. I lost ten minutes, and when I woke up, my doughnuts were gone." A doughnut is stuck on each of The Boss's tufts of hair.
Monday March 24,
2003
Tags #no budget, #project, #budget, #begger, #laughed guts up
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "There's no budget for your project; you need to tin-cup it." Dilbert asks, "What?" The Boss says, "Be like a beggar and ask each department to give you a bit of their budget." Dilbert is sitting next to a man whose organs are coming out of his mouth. Dilbert says, "Well, now that you've laughed your guts out, do you feel better?" The man replies, "Erk!"
Monday November 01,
2004
Tags #sexy project, #boost career, #sound good better job, #nano tech nology, #fighting terrorists
Transcript
The Boss: I need to be managing a sexier project to boost my career. \it only has to sound good and not fail until I geta better job. How about a nanotechnology set cell for fighting terrorists? Dilbert: O-O-OKay.
Sunday October 01,
2000
Tags #vital records protection plan, #extensive interviews, #key stakeholders, #digitized, #records, #encryotion, #natural magnets, #project team status report, #liars
Transcript
The boss, Wally, Alice and Dilbert are at a conference table. The boss says, "Wally, what's the status of our vital records protection plan?"` Wally thinks, "Think fast." Wally says, "I..uh...did extensive interviews with key stakeholders." Wally continues, "Then I..uh...formed a plan.." Wally says, "Now all the records are digitized and stored with 512 bit encryption..." Wally continues, "..At the center of the earth..on natural magnets." The boss says, "I meant you should read the project team's status report." Wally, reading, says, "They claim to have a plan. Liars."
Monday January 26,
2015
What Phase Of The Project
Tags #insult, #insulting, #project, #questioning
Transcript
Boss: What phase is your project in? Dilbert: This is the phase where people ask stupid questions. Boss: How long does it last? Dilbert: It isn't looking good for today.
Monday June 20,
2016
Wally Heads Up Ai Project
Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #project, #fake
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.
Sunday March 25,
2018
Tags #team, #teamwork, #collaboration, #excuses, #group project, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: Thank you all for coming. I'm hoping we can make a lot of progress in the next hour. Alice; I didn't get any sleep last night, so don't expect much from me. Asok: I'm so hungry I can barely think. Man 1: I might be a bit distracted today because my wife told me she wants to leave me. Wally: I can't stay for the whole meeting. I have another thing in a few minutes Man 2: I'm only here to sabotage your project because I can't abide the success of others. Dilbert; Why don't all of you leave now and I'll make all the decisions myself. Boss: How'd the team meeting go? Dilbert: Better than I expected.
Thursday October 24,
2019
Project Update
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #project, #update, #plan, #read, #imaginary
Transcript
boss: did you send me your project update? dilbert: were you planning to read it? boss: no dilbert: then i totally sent it too you boss thinking: half of my job is imaginary