Near Doorway Comic Strips
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The Boss brings an employee into Catbert. The employee is bug-eyed and nervous looking. The Boss says, "This is Jittery Jeff. He needs counseling." The Boss continues as Jittery Jeff whips his head around, "I put him in a cubicle at the end of a busy aisle near a doorway." The Boss tells Catbert, "Now he's jittery because he thinks people are always looking over his shoulder." Catbert stands on the desk and says, "Leave him here. I'll counsel him up." Jittery Jeff sits down but continues to whip his head around. Catbert says, "Relax Jittery Jeff...It's okay now." Jeff begins to calm down as Catbert repeats, "Relax, relax, relax, relax." Suddenly, Catbert screams, "AAAGH!! Someone is behind the door!!" Jittery Jeff jumps up. Jittery Jeff lays slumped in his chair with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. Catbert tells the Boss, "Counseling is mostly instinct."
Boss: I want you to use "black hat" methods to raise our website's ranking on search engines. Dilbert: What do you like best about that idea - the fact that it's unethical or the near certainty of getting caught? Boss: That's sort of a loserish thing to say. Dilbert: Talking doesn't work for people like me.
Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "I've always wondered why your tie curls up like that." Dogbert continues, "My theory is that the tie is simply showing a natural aversion to being near you." Dogbert continues, "Have you noticed any of your other clothes trying to flee?" Dilbert responds, "I'm missing a sock . . ."
Dilbert and Dogbert go for a walk. Dilbert says, "There's a rumor that my company will move to South Dakota, but I don't believe it." Dogbert stands on a rock and says, "South Dakota... isn't that where your CEO grew up? Maybe he wants to be near his parents to get free baby-sitting." Dilbert checks the mailbox. Dilbert holds a letter and says, "That's the most cynical thought I've ever heard in my life." Dogbert says, "Thanks, I'm blushing under my fur."
Dogbert and Dilbert are strapped down in Dilbert's cubicle. Dogbert says, "Initiate launch sequence." The cubicle takes off revealing rocket boosters underneath it. Dogbert says, "We have liftoff." The cubicle floats near the surface of the moon. Dilbert says. "I keep waiting for this to seem like a bad idea."
Dogbert sits at Dilberts computer. Dilbert stands in a robe with a cup of coffee. Dogbert says, "I'm writing a comprehensive "how to" book." Dogbert says, "In chapter one, I teach people how to pick winning lottery numbers." Dogbert says, "Chapter two: How to find free real estate in very nice neighborhoods." Dogbert says, "Chapter three: how to lose weight by eating huge tubs of ice cream." Dogbert says, "Chapter four: how to build strong abs by joining a gym and never going." Dogbert says, "Finally, how to see angels by giving yourself a near death experience." Dogbert says, "That last one is just to get rid of all the witnesses." Dilbert thinks, "On the plus side I don't feel so bad about not recycling."
Catbert sits between Dilbert and the Boss with a piece of paper in front of him. He announces, "There aren't enough friendly people to fill our call center jobs." Catbert turns to the Boss and explains, "All we can find are angry people who refuse to put their telephone headset mircrophones near their mouths." A call center operator, with her telephone headset microphone turned completely away from her head, says, "No, I'm sure the problem is on your end."
Dilbert and Wally sit on either side of the Boss at the conference table. The Boss says, "We're cutting back on advertising to increase earnings." Dilbert quickly turns and says, "Um...Excuse me. I'll be right back." Wally says, "Me too." There are several people piled in the doorway, stuck. A man announces into a walkie-talkie, "We got another mass exodus doorway jam."