Search Results for "negotiating"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 31

Dogbert's Negotiating Class

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert's Negotiating Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2017's comic on:

Tags #negotiating, #deception, #sales, #manipulation, #deal, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I approved your request to take a negotiating class. Dilbert: Why did you change your mind? Boss: The instructor offered a great deal. Narrator: Earlier that day. Dogbert: Would you like to spend other people's money to get rid of Dilbert for a few days? Boss: Sold!

Dilbert Wants To Take A Class In Negotiating

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Wants To Take A Class In Negotiating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2017's comic on:

Tags #negotiating, #catch-22, #conference, #training

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need your approval to take a class on negotiating. Boss: See if you can persuade me to approve it. Dilbert: I... don't know how to negotiate yet. Boss: That's the flaw in your plan.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2003's comic on:

Tags #ask them, #feeling embarrassed, #money, #negotiating with vendors, #phd, #right thing, #thinking of idea

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I have a PHD, so obviously you should do what I say. Instead of negotiating with vendors, lets just tell them how much money we have and ask them yo do the right thing. You're probably feeling embarrassed for not thinking of the idea yourself. Alice: Must...not...shave...PHD.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2004's comic on:

Tags #negotiating, #opening offer, #lots of better offers, #ruining everything

View Transcript

Transcript

Negotiating My opening offer is... Dilbert: Thank you, thank you, than you, we accept your offer!! I haven t said an offer. Dilbert: I mean we have lots of other offers that are better. You're ruining everything.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2008's comic on:

Tags #fortune, #personally negotiating, #contract, #new era system, #several components, #software, #hardware, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I saved a fortune by personally negotiating the contract for our new ERP system." Dilbert says, "You bought outdated hardware and forgot several components that are required." Dilbert says, "And I like software with my hardware, but that's just me."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2010's comic on:

Tags #cultural sensitivity, #elbonians, #negotiating, #soul, #training, #yawn

View Transcript

Transcript

CULTURAL SENSITIVITY TRAINING Man says, ?Elbonians believe that if you yawn in their direction, you steal their soul.? Alice says, ?In other words, we can use it as a negotiating tool.? Man says, ?No, that's not...? LATER Alice says, ?Okay, my intern has your soul. Give us a 20% discount or he swallows.?

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2009's comic on:

Tags #negotiating, #broke, #poor, #economy, #recession, #comparison, #exaggeration

View Transcript

Transcript

Negotiating in a bad economy The Boss says, "My company is so poor that we need a 20% price reduction or we'll go belly-up." Man says, "My company is so poor that our only chance of eating involves throwing office supplies at low-flying birds." The boss says, "Shall we say 10%?" Man says, "Our health plan is 'Screaming.'"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2013's comic on:

Tags #death & dying, #negotiating, #work ethic, #raise, #workload, #incentive, #work harder, #disgruntled, #no meaning, #dreams lie broken

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: If you finish your project in twelve months, I'll give you a five percent raise. Dilbert: I would gladly give up five percent of my future pay to avoid a doubling of my workload. Boss: You don't understand. I'm giving you an incentive to work harder. Dilbert: No, I'm pretty sure you're charging me five percent of my future pay to sit here and feel disgruntled. And it's working. I hate you more than ever and I no longer find meaning in my work My dreams lie broken and empty beneath the ruins of my optimism. Boss: I can't tell if your negotiating or dying. Dilbert: It's a little of both.

Dogbert The Negotiating Expert

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert The Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2016's comic on:

Tags #money, #negotiate, #negotiations, #racket, #guest artist, #josh shipley

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired an expert on negotiating to teach us a few things. He only costs a million dollars, and for that we get five minutes of his time. Let's get started. Dogbert: We're out of time, unless you want to renegotiate.

Dogbert's Negotiating Class

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert's Negotiating Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2016's comic on:

Tags #book, #deal, #negotiating, #negotiation, #self help, #guest artist, #josh shipley

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's one-week training class for negotiators. I believe in leading by example, so this entire course will involve me trying to persuade you to buy my book. If everyone in the class buys my book, you can all have the rest of the week off. Voice: Done.