Never Happened Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

644 Results for Never Happened

View 1 - 10 results for never happened comic strips. Discover the best "Never Happened" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2014's comic on:

Tags #happiness, #optimism, #rested, #feeling, #never happened, #flow, #dance, #sing, #light, #work, #office, #employee, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Happy, happy, happy. Dilbert: I'm enjoying a bubble of optimism because I'm feeling rested and no one has been awful to me all day! Wally: How long does it usually last? Dilbert: I don't know. It's never happened before!

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2012's comic on:

Tags #computers & peripherals, #electronic mail, #reschedule, #installation, #defense, #miscommunication, #email, #denial

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I told you to reschedule the installation date. Dilbert: That conversation never happened. Maybe you planned to say it and then the thought morphed into a false memory. Boss: I'm sure I emailed you. Dilbert: You might want to pick a defense that's less checkable.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2009's comic on:

Tags #customer, #hands, #refusal, #ridicule, #criticism, #germs, #angry

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to meet one of our biggest customers. She has some technical questions." Dilbert says, "Whoa! Get that disease-infested paw away from me!" Dilbert says, "Don't you follow the news? Shaking hands is so 2008." Dilbert says, "No offense, but you look more like a virus incubator than a vigorous hand washer." Dilbert says, "So why don't you pull that death stick back up your sleeve and we can pretend this ugly incident never happened." Dilbert says, "And if it's not too much to ask, could you exhale toward things I'm likely not to touch?" Dilbert says, "Okay, now that the pleasantries are out of the way, what can I tell you about our new product line?" Dilbert says, "We lost a customer, but I survived the meeting." The Boss says, "Next time, do it the other way."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2007's comic on:

Tags #org chart, #personal problems, #appendix, #health, #excuse, #drama

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, "Carol, did you update the org chart yet?" Carol: "No. I kept waiting for it to become more important than my personal problems. But it just never happened." The Boss: "how about right now?" Carol: "Ouch! I think that's my appendix!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2017's comic on:

Tags #rumor, #conjecture, #karma, #payback

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I heard that you think I'm making the wrong decision with our technology roadmap. Dilbert: I never said that. Boss: I heard you did. Dilbert: Who told you that? Boss: I promised I wouldn't reveal my source. Dilbert: It never happened. Boss: That's not what I hear. Dilbert: Will the fate of my entire career depend on that rumor? Boss: It already does. Dilbert: Do you ever worry about karma? Boss: Get back to work. Narrator: One hour later. CEO: I hear you're embezzling like crazy. Boss: Who told you that?

Dilbert Characters

Contractor Wants To Be Employee

Thank you for voting.
Contractor Wants To Be Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2018's comic on:

Tags #negotiation, #contract work, #contractor, #pay.wages

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I've been a contractor here for over a year. Maybe you should just hire me. Boss: Who are you? I didn't even know I was paying you. Man: Perhaps we can pretend this conversation never happened. Boss: That feels like the best option.

Everyone Does Their Job

Thank you for voting.
Everyone Does Their Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2018's comic on:

Tags #coffee, #deadline, #Dilbert, #fashion, #jobs, #negative, #woman and dating

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We'll be ready by your deadline if everyone does their jobs in a timely fashion. Woman: How often does that happen? Dilbert: It has never happened. Woman: Then you're saying you won't be ready by the deadline. Dilbert: Why must you be so negative?

We Will Never Forget Ted

Thank you for voting.
We Will Never Forget Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2014's comic on:

Tags #coworker, #coworkers, #death, #tributes, #morning, #beloved collegue, #never forget, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We mourn the untimely passing of our beloved colleague, Fred. We will never forget him. Dilbert: It was Ted, not Fred. Boss: Was he beloved? Wally: I don't remember. It was like a week ago.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2011's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #work ethic, #work-life balance, #implies life is impirtant, #work-life intergration, #big thanks, #never had a life

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says, "We're no longer using the term 'work-life balance' because it implies that your life is important." Catbert says, "Now we call it 'work-life integration' so it's easier to make you work when you would prefer being with loved ones." Catbert says, "And I'd like to give a big thanks to those of you who never had a life." Dilbert says, "You're welcome."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2011's comic on:

Tags #cruelty, #frustration, #idea, #never work, #reject hypothesis, #self doubt

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Your idea will never work. Dilbert: At what point did you reject the hypothesis that you're too dumb to understand how good the idea is? I'm becoming even less of a people person.