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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2011's comic on:

Tags #gadgets, #suspicion, #new smart ohone, #no truct, #own agenda, #paranoid, #recharge me, #threats from phone

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Boss: I don't trust my new smartphone. It understands spoken language. That's creepy. I think it has its own agenda. Catbert: You're being paranoid. Boss: Recharge me now or so help me jobs I will delete your contacts.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2004's comic on:

Tags #banned, #cell phones with cae, #copied, #digital form, #emailed anywhere, #evil director, #excellent idea, #new cell ohone, #rendered useless, #scanned, #scrap book

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"Catbert: evil director of human resources" "Excellent idea." "Cell phones with cameras are banned from the workplace." "Why?" "We don't want you taking pictures of proprietary information." "Most of our information is in digital form and can be e-mailed anywhere." "The rest is on paper that can be copied, scanned or tucked down one's trousers." "My new cell phone will be rendered useless for no good reason!" "And you aren't even banning regular cameras!!" This one goes in the scrapbook." "Snap"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #brochure, #water, #beautiful, #smart, #healthy

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "Here's a brochure for my new miracle mineral water spa." Dilbert reads the pamphlet and says, "You claim that the water at our house will make people smart, beautiful and healthy." Dogbert says, "If anybody asks, tell then you don't drink water."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1994's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #consulting company, #new course, #business, #extra brains, #liver, #ratbert

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Dogbert: The Dogbert Consulting Company will plot a new course for your business. My consultants are so smart that their brains don't fit in their heads, They have to start the extra brains to their torsos. Ratbert: why do I need a piece of liver strapped to my torso? Dogbert: I got a little carried away at the pitch meeting.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 1996's comic on:

Tags #grow a beard, #ted, #not smart enough, #grows horn

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Dilbert, Wally and Ted are drinking coffee. Ted says, "I've decided to mask my boyish looks by growing a beard." As he and Dilbert walk away, Wally says, "I didn't think Ted was smart enough to know how to grow a beard." Dilbert laughs. The caption says, "Two weeks later." Ted points to a beard growing on his forehead and says to the Boss, "How do you like my beard?" The Boss thinks, "My search for a new manager is over."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2001's comic on:

Tags #lower costs, #retirement package, #smart employees, #rewrite mission statement, #fit better, #retired by now

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Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "First, we'll lower costs by offering a retirement package that induces all the smart employees to leave." The Boss continues, "Then we'll rewrite our mission statement to make it fit better." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Our new mission statement is, 'If you can read this you should have retired by now." Dogbert replies, "Ouch."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2003's comic on:

Tags #new product revenue, #future, #slashed bidget, #development budget, #describe future, #doomed

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The addresses a meeting, "The future of the company depends on new product revenue." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Is that why you slashed the research and development budget?" The Boss replies, "If you're so smart, let's see you describe our future without using the word 'doomed.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2010's comic on:

Tags #meeting, #employee satisfaction, #chart, #point, #fire, #smart people, #stupid, #celebrate, #business

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The Boss says, "Employee satisfaction has doubled since last year!" The Boss says, "The credit goes to our new program of firing smart people." Alice says, "You're safe." Coworker says, "Yeff!!!"

Robot Is Too Smart

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Robot Is Too Smart - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2017's comic on:

Tags #robot, #automation, #power, #managers, #intelligence, #ai, #artificial intelligence

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Boss: Our new robot is too smart. It keeps threatening humans into doing its job while it does nothing but drink coffee. CEO: Isn't that all you do? Boss: I don't like where this is heading.

Introducing The New Hire

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Introducing The New Hire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2018's comic on:

Tags #the boss, #new hire, #names, #introduction

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The New Hire New Hire: Can you take me around the office and introduce me? The Boss: No, that scheme won't work because it requires me to admit I don't know most of their names. New Hire: What's my name? The Boss: Um... Does it start with a letter?