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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #sheep, #punishment, #sheepless, #nights, #herding, #Dogbert, #sheep jokes

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The caption says, "Sheep Jokes." Dilbert and Dogbert walk through a meadow holding staffs and herding sheep. A sheep says, "Mom, he's herding me! He must think I'm a mutton for punishment! If we run away, he'll have some sheepless nights."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #helen, #man, #resume, #requested, #formula, #calculate, #ratio, #height, #baldness, #Men, #different, #nights

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Man: I hope you'll date me now, Helen. I brought my resume as you requested. Helen: There's a little formula I use to calculate the ratio of your earnings potential to your height and baldness... Hmm... You pass. Of course, I'll still date other men too. Man: On different nights?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #ugly, #people, #convention, #town, #cruel, #male, #bonding, #fertilizer, #face, #first, #time, #bruce, #dates, #wife, #children, #poker, #nights

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Dilbert stands in the hall talking to a co-worker. Another man walks up and says, "It looks like the ugly people's convention is in town." The man asks, "How are you two cow pies doing? Huh?" Dilbert asks, "Why are you always so cruel, Brad?" Brad replies, "It's not cruel! This is male bonding, you fertilizer face!" Brad continues, "Try it; it'll make you feel like a man for the first time!" Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Okay, did you know that Bruce dates your wife on your poker nights?" Brad and Bruce look shocked. Brad and Bruce fight each other. Dilbert adds, "And your children are funny looking - especially Becky." Dilbert walks away thinking, "He's right. That felt good."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 1998's comic on:

Tags #work nights, #work weekends, #quit, #clear out desk, #inspire, #boss tells engineers

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The Boss says, "We can only succeed if each of us works nights and weekends for a year!" Dilbert says, "I quit." Wally says, "I'll clear out my desk." Alice says, "Me too." Dilbert says, "Or was that supossed to inspire us?" Wally says, "Like I'd know."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 2001's comic on:

Tags #hard work, #nights, #weekends, #demand 10 percent

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Alice is sitting at her computer. She looks thoroughly disheveled. The Boss says to her, "Alice, all of your hard work - the nights and the weekends - are finally paying off." The Boss continues, "We increased our five-year forecast of demand by ten percent!" Alice responds, "You changed a wild guess by ten percent?" The Boss replies, "Thanks to you!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #television, #rulers, #planet, #news, #new reporter

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Dilbert sits in his chair watching television. A newscaster says, "Now we have an opposing view to last night's editorial on animal rights." Dogbert says, "Hi, I'm Dogbert. I'm calling on the dogs of the world to rise up and take their rightful places as rulers of the planet." The news anchor says, "These are not necessarily the views of this station." Dogbert says, "Don't listen you him. They always say that."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1994's comic on:

Tags #six months, #project six months, #one month, #annual visit, #doesn't understand, #selfish boss, #impossible tasks, #time frames etc

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"If I start the project today and work nights and weekends it will take...oh, six months." "It has to be done in ONE month so we can show it to our VP on her annual visit." "I have to know; does it even cross your mind to handle this differently?" "I'll need daily status reports on why you're so behind."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 1997's comic on:

Tags #editable wax fruit, #live at desk, #no social life, #social activity, #vending machine food, #marketing network

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During a staff meeting, The Boss says, "It has come to my attention that one of you has a social life." Wally says, "There must be some mistake." The Boss says, "We can't be successful until our social lives are worse than the industry average." He stands up and says, "Our competitors spend the nights in their cubicles. They eat from vending machines." The Boss walks behind Wally, Dilbert and Alice. He says, "Someone here has not shown the same level of competetive spirit." The Boss grabs Asok by the collar and says, "Someone had a social activity last night!" Asok cries, "I'm sorry! I thought they were friends... but they were only recruiting for a multi-level marketing network!!!" Dilbert says, "What were they selling?" Asok says, "Edible wax fruit. Brochure?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2004's comic on:

Tags #boss's office, #employee, #exciting challenges, #fertilized plant, #hard work done, #tree grows

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Asok: "I worked nights and weekends to finish my project ahead of schedule." The Boss: "Good. Here's more work." Asok: "I don't understand. Am I being punished for working hard?" The Boss: "No, you're being rewarded with exciting new challenges." Asok: "Why does the plant grow faster when you say things like that?" The Boss: "No reason." "Stop that!" "Anyway, your annual performance review will award your hard work." Wally: That is one fertilized plant

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2014's comic on:

Tags #efficiency experts, #stress, #consultant, #booze muhkidney, #travel work, #unhealthy food, #total failure, #sleepless nights, #power point slides, #business

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Consultant: All I do is travel, work, and eat unhealthy food. I'm a total failure at managing my own life, and yet people hire me for business advice. I haven't slept since October. Dilbert: I was told there would be PowerPoint slides. Consultant from Booze Muhkidney