Search Results for "no strength"
Share October 27, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert sits on the bank of a stream and casts a fishing pole into the water. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "It's just man against fish out here, my friend." Dilbert continues, "Although it's a bit of a mismatch, with my superior brain, equipment and strength." Dogbert stands on the bank and says, "Boy, all that and he can water-ski, too."
Share February 11, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert says to a robot, "Remember, the 'Robot's Code' requires you to use your vast strength to serve, protect, and never harm humans." The robot says, "Ha! I didn't sign any 'Robot's Code.' In fact, with my vast strength I can make YOU serve ME!" Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I forgot to program in the 'Robot's Code.'" The robot reaches toward Dilbert's head and says, "Maybe I'll crush your head just for fun!"
Share May 26, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert stands at a lab table and says, "I'll use Dilbert's genetic lab to make a man with the wisdom of Ghandi and the strength of Wilt Chamberlain." Dogbert thinks, "Or vice versa." A man wearing an Indian pancha says to Dilbert, "Gimme your car keys. I'm gonna find us some babes." Dilbert replies, "Not in MY sheet."
Share August 17, 1997's comic on:
Wally is driving to work. He thinks, "I have a vague feeling of uncertainty." At work Wally thinks, "It gets stronger at the office." Wally loses his balance and thinks, "The uncertainty saps my strength. My suitcase is getting heavier." Wally crawls on the floor and says, "Must.. get... to... cubicle." Wally leans back in his chair. He thinks, "The uncertainty feels like a piano on my chest." The Boss looks in on him. The Boss says, "I decided to reorganize... or downsize, unless there's a merger." Wally waves his arms about. Wally says, "I summon the unholy demons of Apathy, Sarcasm, and Cynicism!" Wally is surrounded by devils and demons. He says, "Good thinking! Reorganizations always increase profits!" The Boss thinks, "Wow. Third time today."
Share June 20, 2013's comic on:
Boss: Company policy says I have to rate one-third of my staff as "Does not meet expectations." I chose the two of you because you have no upper body strength. This way it's safer if you go berzerk. I thought you said I should tell them the reason I picked them. Catbert: Not the real reason.
Share March 19, 2015's comic on:
Asok: Now that you are a vice president, may I apply to be your lackey? Wally: If I'm being honest, Asok, I need someone with more upper body strength to carry my coffee all day. Asok: Then I said, "A Vice President's coffee can't be that heavy."
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Share November 27, 2011's comic on:
Tags #frustration, #gadgets, #smartphone interface rage, #perfect storm, #bad interface design, #chubby fingers, #poor signal strenth, #smashing phone, #frustrated, #can't survive, #lesser of two eveils
Dilbert: Whoa! Watch out. I've read about this. It's called smartphone interface rage. It's caused by the perfect storm of bad interface design, chubby fingers, and poor signal strength. He'll get so frustrated that he'll consider smashing his phone. Then he'll realize he can't survive without his phone and he'll be twice as frustrated. We have to do something. Wally: Run as fast as you can into the wall! It will take your mind off of your phone! Sometimes the best you can hope for is that the lesser of two evils is the funny one.
Share September 02, 1993's comic on:
Ratbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Listen to me, Bob. Individually, we're nothing but a rat and a dinosaur . . ." Ratbert continues, "But if we team up we'd have your mighty strength plus my . . . Uh . . . My . . ." Bob asks, "Brain?" Ratbert replies, "No, that doesn't sound right."
Share September 05, 1999's comic on:
The Boss brings Dilbert a piece of paper. He tells him, "Good idea, Dilbert ... I made a few changes and sent it out." Dilbert reads the paper and screams, "GAAA!" Dilbert says, "You removed the parts that made it a visionary idea!" As the Boss stares at him blankly, Dilbert continues, "Now it's just an unimaginative retread of an idea that has been widely discredited." Dilbert yells in shock, "GAAA! AND IT HAS MY NAME ON IT!" Dilbert collapses back on his desk, saying, "That idea was the energizing force that gave me strength to work." Dilbert yells, "NOW IT'S DEAD! YOU KILLED IT!" Dilbert lies backwards, his head on his desk, gurgling. The Boss says, "I'd love to chat but I have to manage someone else now."