Non Conforming Documents Comic Strips

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119 Results for Non Conforming Documents

View 1 - 10 results for non conforming documents comic strips. Discover the best "Non Conforming Documents" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 1999's comic on:


Tags #audit, #non conforming documents, #defeat prurpose, #voluntary audit, #torch cars

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The boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at the conference table. The boss says, "Our annnual ISO 9000 audit is next week." The boss says, "We can pass the audit if we put all our non-conforming documents in the trucks of our cars." Wally says, "Doesn't that defeat the purpose of a voluntary audit?" The boss says, "And then torch the cars."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #gloating, #meetings, #non stop talking, #trophy, #participating, #too much self esteem

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Dilbert: We're out of time and we accomplished absolutely nothing, thanks to your non-stop talking. Coworker: When do I get my trophy for participating? Dilbert: Someone was raised with too much self-esteem. Coworker: Watch me walk!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #executives, #non giant situation, #shoulders of giants, #non giant, #business

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CEO: As your CEO, if I have seen farther, it is only because I stood on the shoulders of giants. Plus whatever is going on over here. Dilbert: That's sort of a non-giant situation. Wally: And I haven't had shoulders since I was ten.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #big business, #cost & standard of living, #green goals, #recycling bins, #company documents, #corporate secuirty, #blue recycling bins, #same policies

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Boss: To reach our green goals, employees must always use the blue recycling bins for company documents. To satisfy our corporate security guidelines, never put company documents in the blue recycling bins. Dilbert: You read those same policies to us last week. Boss: I don't know how to get rid of them.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bury, #top secret, #proprietary, #documents, #woods, #shovel, #tied up, #mumble

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Boss: I need you to bury some top secret proprietary documents in the woods for me. Man: Mmm mmph. Boss: Come back in ten minutes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #huge fee, #non practicing entity, #patent troll, #patents, #playing field, #plunge civilization, #tangle innovation, #thwart compnies, #dark ages

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Dogbert: I'm a patent troll, but you can call me a non-practicing entity. For a huge fee, I will use my patents to thwart the companies that are trying to thwart you with their own patents. Together we can strangle innovation and plunge civilization into the dark ages! Boss: That would even the playing field.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 1991's comic on:


Tags #rabert, #mystery, #dilbert's, #necktie, #non-analytical, #hundred, #ties, #brain, #power

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Dogbert says to Ratbert, "Ratbert, I need your help to solve the mystery of Dilbert's necktie." Ratbert says, "Gosh, Dogbert, most of my work at the lab is the non-analytical type. Sure, I've eaten a few hundred ties, but who hasn't?" Dogbert says, "It's not your brain power that I need." Ratbert asks, "Can we solve this with my good looks alone?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #flowers, #woman, #non-refundable, #date, #deposit, #diskette, #dating, #history, #personal, #references, #financial, #disclosure, #rejection, #notice, #verbal

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Dilbert hands a woman flowers and says, "Here are the flowers and the non-refundable date deposit." Dilbert hands the woman a diskette and says, "This diskette has my dating history, personal references and full financial disclosure." Dilbert asks, "When may I expect the rejection notice?" The woman replies, "I can give you a verbal now . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #class, #career, #social, #life, #engineer, #bonanza, #ladies, #field, #video games, #devices, #non-engineer

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Dilbert stands in front of a classroom of children saying, "And don't forget the social life that comes with being an engineer." Dilbert continues, "Ninety percent of all engineers are guys, so it's a bonanza of dating opportunities for the ladies who enter the field." Dilbert continues, "For the men, there are these little video game devices . . ." A little girl raises her hand and asks, "Would I be allowed to date a non-engineer?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 1994's comic on:


Tags #delay, #beta trial, #exploding, #engineers, #pessimists, #foucs, #positive aspects, #trial, #hassle, #non disclosure, #agreements

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"You've got to delay the beta trial with customers until we figure out why it keeps exploding!" "You engineers are such pessimists. Just once, try to focus on the positive aspects of the trial!" "We won't need to hassle with 'non-disclosure agreements'."