Non Engineers Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

294 Results for Non Engineers

View 1 - 10 results for non engineers comic strips. Discover the best "Non Engineers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #define values, #emotional illsuion, #common to children, #idiots, #non engineers, #cult

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Who can define 'values'? Anyone?" Dilbert says, "Values are a type of emotional illusion common to children, idiots and non-engineers." The Boss says, "Can we pretend values are real?" Dilbert says, "Are we a cult now?"

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #investor meeting, #emailed, #powerpoint slide, #dumbed down, #technical stuff, #non engineers, #it be good, #no questions, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I emailed you the PowerPoint slide for your investor meeting. I dumbed down the technical stuff for you non-engineers. Boss: "Technology: It Be Good." Dilbert: I wouldn't take questions.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #delay, #beta trial, #exploding, #engineers, #pessimists, #foucs, #positive aspects, #trial, #hassle, #non disclosure, #agreements

View Transcript

Transcript

"You've got to delay the beta trial with customers until we figure out why it keeps exploding!" "You engineers are such pessimists. Just once, try to focus on the positive aspects of the trial!" "We won't need to hassle with 'non-disclosure agreements'."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #monitor actions, #cameras, #strapped to head, #non work related, #attach sensors, #track thoughts, #engineers, #lab assistant

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says, "We monitor all of your actions, but we suspect you are still doing non-work-related thinking." Catbert says, "My lab assistant Trixie will attach sensors to your head and track all of your thoughts." The computer screen says, "Mmm... Trixie, wear this while you wash my electric car." Trixie thinks, "Engineers."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #class, #career, #social, #life, #engineer, #bonanza, #ladies, #field, #video games, #devices, #non-engineer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of a classroom of children saying, "And don't forget the social life that comes with being an engineer." Dilbert continues, "Ninety percent of all engineers are guys, so it's a bonanza of dating opportunities for the ladies who enter the field." Dilbert continues, "For the men, there are these little video game devices . . ." A little girl raises her hand and asks, "Would I be allowed to date a non-engineer?"

Engineers Built Everything That Matters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Engineers Built Everything That Matters - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #importance, #marketing, #wages, #pay scale, #modern civilization, #need both, #marketing guy, #business, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

The Marketing Guy. Marketing Guy: I don't see why engineers get paid more than marketing professionals. Dilbert: Maybe because engineers designed and built every important part of modern civilization and all you did was misrepresent it. Marketing Guy: My point is that you need both. Dilbert: You really don't.

Finding Qualified Engineers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #interview, #questions, #job market, #engineers, #baker, #mortuary, #assistant

View Transcript

Transcript

interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #vaccinnations, #wicked case, #disease, #heat, #every seven years, #kill me!

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My doctor says I have a wicked case of Pop Farr. Its when vulcans and engineers go into gear every seven years. Alice: Im pretty sure, I don't care but let me check my calendar just in case... Alice: Someone kill me! Now Now! Now! continued

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #engineers, #lust, #pon farr cycle, #irreversible urge, #mating season, #engineer mating season, #spawn, #prodcut, #unnecessary steps, #rarely happens, #specifications, #vague

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina says, "Did you hear that Dilbert and Alice are on the same Pon Farr cycle?" Carol says, "What?" Tina says, "Every seven years, engineers have an irresistible urge to mate. Their spawn would be the product of two engineers." There's a reason it rarely happens Dilbert says, "Your plan has unnecessary steps!" Alice says, "Your specifications are vague!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet & world wide web, #monsters, #turned feral, #engineers, #social life, #social skills, #few weeks, #wolfman, #howls at inetrnet

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Steer clear of Darryl. He turned feral. Asok: Feral? Dilbert: That's what happens when engineers don't get invited to meetings. Alice: Darryl's only social life was meetings. Dilbert: He didn't get to use his social skills for a few weeks, and apparently he lost them. Asok: Is it like he turned into a wolfman? Dilbert: Yes, except he's better at math. And he howls at the Internet, not the moon. Asok: Can we watch? Man: How-ooo can you blog that?