A customer sits across from Dogbert's desk. The boy says, "I've failed the driving test nine times. Can you help?" Dogbert replies, "I specialize in the problem cases. Just sign the application form." The boy looks at the pencil and says, "Wait . . . I've seen one of these before. Yes, there's something special about the pointy end . . . But what?" Dogbert thinks, "Uh oh."
The Boss sists at a conference table with Wally and Dilbert. He waves a pice of paer and says, "Ten of our finest executives got together and created a statement of our core values." The Boss quotes from the document, "We help the community and the world by producing state-of-the-art business solutions." Wally responds, "I'm glad we didn't skimp and try to do that with only nine executives." Dilbert adds, "Yeah. It might have sucked."
Carol stands behind Alice who is at her computer. Carol says, "I'm taking your urgent document to the overnight drop box, with nine minutes to spare." Carol says, "The box is only eight minutes away. I'll stop for coffee first." Alice grimaces. Carol says, "Don't worry. If the truck is pulling away from the box, I'll wedge this in the back bumper." Carol holds out Alice's report. Alice makes the fists of death.
The boss stands behind Asok who is at his computer. The boss says, "Do you have the udget calculated yet, Asok?" Asok says, "I need to double-check the numbers." The boss says, "Give me a copy now. I'll mentally adjust for the possibilty the numbers are wrong." Asok says, "Am I making a huge mistake?" The boss says, "This six is probaly an upside-down nine."
Wally says to the Boss, "I was so motivated by your pep talk yesterday that I came to work ten minutes early!" The Boss replies, "Wally, we start at eight, not at nine." Wally responds, "That's gonna cost you ten minutes."
An Elbonian says, "A corporate raider has offered to buy our company for nine dollars." Another Elbonian says, "We should ask for more." The first Elbonian says, "He's a tough negotiator." The first Elbonian says, "Now it's only eight dollars?" Dogbert says, "And I want you to do something in your hat."
Dilbert: I need a doctor's note for the two days of work I missed." Doctor: You look healthy to me.
Dilbert: I got better.
Doctor: how do I know you were sick?
Dilbert: The note just needs to say I was sick.
Doctor: so you want me to lie?"
It's not a lie. I really was sick. Medical
Doctor: If your company doesn't trust you, why should I?"
Dilbert: Good point.
What if I let the people in your waiting room cough on me? Then you can write a note saying I have what they have.
Doctor: As long as I didn't recommend it. I think that passes ethical muster."
The Boss: You have nine diseases?"
Dilbert: That have names.
Wally: Did you get the link I sent about the ten things all leaders need to do?
I also sent you an article about the nine habits of successful people.
And I sent you an article about the time management tricks used by successful people.
According ti my research. There are 17,429 tricks you need to master to be a good leader.
That might seem like a lot.
But if you master ten per year, you'll be 1.2% competent by the time you retire.
Boss: Why are we having this conversation?
Wally: Im going to add "Listening skills" to the list.
CEO: I am proud to say I serve as a board member for nine corporations. Dilbert; Your lack of focus shows disregard for your fiduciary responsibilities. CEO: Can someone fire this guy for me? I don't remember what company I'm at.
office worker: i've been working here for nine years, and you haven't given me a single raise!
boss: i didn't even know you worked for me. obviously, you didn't do anything useful, or i would have noticed.
office worker: well, in that case, i'm glad i didn't give my name.
