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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #cheat, #death, #frisbee, #athlete, #scrabble, #allowed, #august, #bone, #boy

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The caption says, "Dogbert tries to cheat death." The Grim Reaper says to Dogbert, ". . . So, if you catch the Frisbee you can live." Dogbert says, "Wait!" Dogbert continues, "I've never been much of an athlete . . . Let's play 'Scrabble' for my life instead." Dogbert and the Grim Reaper sit at a table playing Scrabble. The Grim Reaper asks, "How much time are you allowed for your turn?" Dogbert replies as he walks away, "I'll see you in August, bone boy."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 1994's comic on:

Tags #trade show registration, #rental beards, #not allowed, #pipe scented suspenders, #portly attendees

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Trade show registration ClerK : Men without facial hair are not allowed on the exhibition floor. We have rental beards for your convenience. That model comes with pipe-scented suspenders. Its very popular with our portly attendees.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 1998's comic on:

Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #not allowed, #eat desk, #semi plausible reason, #hate

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Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director. Catbert sits at his computer. Catbert types, "New policy: Employees are not allowed to eat at their desks." Catbert thinks, "Because why? I need a semi-plausible reason." Catbert writes, "Because I hate you."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2002's comic on:

Tags #hostile body language, #not allowed, #cross arams, #stare, #move eyebrows, #nice day, #female, #controlling, #unconscious emotions

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Tina approaches Dilbert with her arms and face stiff. She says, "Someone accused me of having hostile body language." Tina continues, "I'm not allowed to cross my arms or stare or move my eyebrows or frown." Tina walks past and says, "Have a nice day." Dilbert responds, "Too late."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2002's comic on:

Tags #employees, #not allowed to eat, #work cubicles, #gulp, #chomp chomp, #ignores rules, #business

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Catbert enters Alice's cubicle and says, "Alice, employees are not allowed to eat in cubicles." Alice stuffs the food in her mouth, "Chomp chomp chomp" Catbert exclaims, "I'm going to see that every time I close my eyes!" Alice responds, "You started it."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2003's comic on:

Tags #hate people, #never allowed shoes, #Dogbert, #hows my walking, #dial, #1800

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"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say, 'How am I walking? Call 1-800 blah, blah, blah.'" "If you call the number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes!" "The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2006's comic on:

Tags #space heaters, #not allowed, #cubicles, #heat space, #uranus warm

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"Company policy says that space heaters are not allowed in cubicles." "My heater doesn't heat space. It heats the air in my cubicle. That's okay, right?" "Why would anyone heat 'space'?" "It keeps Uranus warm."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2008's comic on:

Tags #less air conditoning, #shorts allowed, #compensation, #upadte shorts wardrobe, #lederhosen

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The Boss says, "The company will be using less air conditioning to reduce expenses." The Boss says, "To compensate, we're loosening up on the dress code. Shorts will now be allowed." Wally says, "I'm not going to update my shorts wardrobe until I know this will last."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2002's comic on:

Tags #little people allowed, #strategy decisions, #project opal, #executive intuition, #budget cut, #opal project, #named after daughter, #increase budget, #secret meetings, #decision makers

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "All the important decision-makers in the company in this room." The Boss continues, "No little people are allowed because we'll be making important strategy decisions." The Boss continues, "First, let's make decisions about project Opal." The Boss continues, "Does anyone know what the project is or what we need to decide?" A man raises his hand and says, "My executive intuition tells me we should cut the budget by 10%." Another man turns to him and says, "I think Opal is one of your projects. It's named after your daughter." The first speaker grabs his own head and says, "Wait.. a new intuition is coming in now... it says to increase the budget." Dilbert asks the Boss, "Why are those meetings secret?" The Boss replies, "You don't want to know."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2013's comic on:

Tags #obliviousness, #pride, #incompetent, #phd, #pretending allowed

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Coworker: I have no real-world experience and I am incompetent at everything. But unlike any of you, I have a Ph.D., and that means you have to take me seriously. Dilbert: Is pretending allowed? Coworker: Totally. It all looks the same to me.