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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 1996's comic on:


Tags #biggest problem, #databases, #dwell on negative, #network, #probelm, #tracking database

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I just got our consultant's report. He's identified our biggest problem." Wally says, "I recommend that we build a tracking database." Dilbert adds, "We can put it on the network." The Boss asks, "Would you like to hear what the problem is first?" Wally says, "I hate to dwell on the negative." Dilbert adds, "We like databases."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 1996's comic on:


Tags #team building exercise, #build trust, #trust, #not biggest problem

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, the Boss and Wally, "This exercise will build trust. The partner in front will fall. The partner behind will break the fall." The Boss falls backward toward Dilbert. The Boss falls to the floor. Dogbert says, "Okay, maybe trust isn't your biggest problem here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 1995's comic on:


Tags #obstacle to success, #poor graphics, #inability to communicate, #beyond communication, #think clearly, #high five, #broke code, #participate, #meetings

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The Boss puts a transparency on the overhead projector and says, "This graphic shows our biggest obstacle to success." The diagram shows an arrow through a series of acronyms. Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at the conference table looking confused. Wally asks, "Are you saying our biggest obstacle to success is poor graphics?" Alice replies, "I think he's saying our biggest problem is his overall inability to communicate." Dilbert says, "I think his point goes beyond communication. He's showing us that he doesn't even THINK clearly!" Wally says, "That's it!" Alice says, "High five!!" Wally shouts, "You broke the code!" The Boss says, "You know how I said you should participate more in meetings? I didn't mean it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1996's comic on:


Tags #meets expectations, #review, #two percent raise, #eighty hour week, #three patents, #make millions, #donated bone marrow, #attendece problem, #cheated on money, #alice, #take advantage, #cheap, #scammed

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The Boss sits at his desk and says, "Alice, your performance this year is 'meets expectations.' You get a two percent raise." Alice looks shocked and says, "MEETS EXPECTATIONS?! I worked eighty hours every week!" The Boss replies, "Yeah . . . Well, I expected that." Alice yells, "I earned three patents this year! The company will make millions!!" The Boss says, "Really? Wow. I mean . . . I expected that too." Alice clenches her teeth and shouts, "I donated bone marrow to our biggest customer!!! Twice!!!" The Boss replies, "I noted that under 'attendance problem.'" Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice leans on the table and covers her face. Dilbert tells her, "I told you the bone marrow thing would haunt you." Wally says, "I'm starting to think the time I worked through lunch was for nothing."

Boss Transfers Problem To Someone Else

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Boss Transfers Problem To Someone Else - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #bad advice, #problem, #problems, #snag, #prodcuts, #accept failure, #lie, #transfer problem, #father, #old sayings, #Family

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Dilbert:I'm hitting a snag with this RFP because our products don't do what they need. Should I give up and accept failure or lie about our features and transfer the problem to them? Boss: My daddy used to say it isn't a problem if you can give it to someone else. Dilbert: Then he drove you to school?

Wally Sees The Problem

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Wally Sees The Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2015's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse, #problem, #expectations

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Coworker: You said you would have that done for me by today! Wally: Okay, I think I know what the problem is here. Coworker: You? Wally: That, plus your expectations.

Wally Has A Car Problem

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Wally Has A Car Problem  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #blame, #excuse, #laziness, #problems, #starbucks, #car problem

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Wally: Sorry I'm late. I had a car problem. Boss: What kind of car problem? Wally: I didn't get in it soon enough. Boss: That sounds like a "you" problem. Wally: Then my stupid car took me to Starbucks.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #office workers, #solving problem, #stadardization policies, #high five

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Dilbert: Congratulations on solving every important problem in the world. I assume that's what happened. Otherwise, you wouldn't have time to create desk standardization policies. High five?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #debates, #discussion, #email, #objecting, #hallucination of plan, #defensive, #narrowed problem

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Man: Did you see my email objecting to your plan? Dilbert: No, but I saw your email objecting to what I assume is your hallucination of my plan. Man: You seem defensive. Dilbert: Have we narrowed down the problem to me?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #interviews, #biggest mistake, #learned from t, #old couch, #chewing, #starbucks, #never tell story

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Interview question. Boss: Describe your biggest mistake and what you learned from it. Man: I tried to get rid of an old couch by chewing it into tiny pieces and leaving one handful at a time at a Starbucks. Boss: And what did you learn? Man: I learned I should never tell that story.