Off Builing Comic Strips

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569 Results for Off Builing

View 1 - 10 results for off builing comic strips. Discover the best "Off Builing" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bad connection, billing codes, throw desk, off builing, miscommunication, car, cell phone, technology

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The Boss: "We have a bad connection, so listen carefully." "Throw ... my ... desk ... off ... building..." "Okay." "I hope that sounded like 'go through my desk and office and find the billing codes'."

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The Boredom Of Living Off The Grid

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The Boredom Of Living Off The Grid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hiding, grid, off the grid, bored, bore, boredom, Entertainment

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Dilbert: The government will never find me off the grid. G-Man 1: He went off the grid. G-Man 2: Problem solved. The boredom will kill him in two days. Dilbert: Looking at a stick. Still looking at a stick.

Taking Time Off

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Taking Time Off - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, video call, vacation, paid time off, critical, essential, system, migration, kidding, success, zoom, call, valuable, asset, engagement

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boss and dilbert on video call. dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off? boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck. dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls. boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement. dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed. boss: next time, start with that.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dieting & weight control, funerals, bereavement policy, days off, dies young, grocery shop, conflict

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Carol: I've been reading our bereavement policy and I found a problem. I get three days off if my husband eats nothing but unhealthy food and dies young. And I'm the one who does our grocery shopping. Boss: Sounds like a conflict of interest. Carol: I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags copyright & trademark, farmers & farm workers, violates patents, close compnay, lawyer, off grid, legal

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Lawyer: Our new product violates 70 Google patents, 14 Apple patents, 52 Oracle patents, and 37 Microsoft patents. There is no hope. I recommend that we close the company and become farmers. Boss: I need a lawyer with more fight in him. Lawyer: I'm off the grid.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, urget, memo, employees, important, competitive, proactive, quality, items, pounding, tingly, day, off

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Dilbert sits at his desk reading a memo. Dilbert reads, "Urgent memo to all employees:" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. Looks important." Dilbert continues reading, "If we are to remain competitive, you must proactively improve quality on all actionable items!" Dilbert says, "Wow! That was inspiring. My heart is pounding. I'm all tingly . . . I'd better take the rest of the day off . . ."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, japanese, offer, company, ceo, employees, laid off, accept, neener, Dogbert

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A man stands in front of Dilbert's desk and says, "The Japanese have made an offer to buy the company." The man continues, "As CEO you would make $68 million . . . But the employees would all be laid off." Back at home, Dilbert asks Dogbert, "If I accept, what will I say to the employees?" Dogbert replies, "How about 'neener neener?'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, reject, generous, company, hostile takeover, formidable, adversary, lawyers, clothes off

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Dilbert says to two attorneys, "I've decided to reject your generous offer to buy the company." Dilbert continues, "And if you try to make this a hostile takeover you will find me to be a formidable adversary." Dilbert arrives at home with his clothes ripped to shreads. Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . Then their lawyers chewed my clothes off."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, alice, laid off, bruce, calculated, friends, pay cuts, company, gosh, office, furniture

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Dilbert, Wally and Alice stand behind a man's desk. Wally says, "We're sorry to hear you're getting laid off, Bruce." Wally continues, "We calculated that if ten of your friends here took ten percent pay cuts then the company can keep you." Bruce says excitedly, "Gosh! You'd do that for me?" Wally replies, "No. We're here to look at your office furniture."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, investor, financial, advisor, timid, product, window, certificate, deposit, withdraw, flying, debenture, trade off, money, fling

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Dilbert and the financial advisor sit at the table. The advisor says, "For the timid investor, I recommend our 'Perpetual Certificates of Deposit.'" The man continues, "They earn the highest possible interest. The only trade-off is that you can never withdraw it." Dilbert asks, "Why don't I just fling my money out a window?" The advisor replies, "Ah, you've heard of our 'Flying Debenture' product?"