Oil Chips Comic Strips
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Alice points to a display created by a laptop and overhead projector. She says, "As you requested, I benchmarked our company against five world-class companies." Alice continues, "The comparisons are irrelevant because we're in different industries. But that didn't stop me." The Boss asks, "Why can they make a potato chip in one second but it takes up months to develop software?" Alice answers, "I think they oil the chips."
Dilbert arrives at home and tells Dogbert, "My trip to Elbonia was a complete success." Dilbert continues, "I opened our subsidiary, taught capitalism to the locals and showed them how to make computer chips out of sand." Dogbert replies, "Oh great . . . Now they will become an industrial giant and compete against us." Dilbert says, "Don't worry. I also taught them our management techniques."
Dilbert enters an auto service store and says to an auto mechanic, "Just a quick question: is is necessary to change my oil . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . Or can I just keep letting it run dry and then add new oil?" The car mechanic looks shocked. The mechanic screams and falls to the ground. Dilbert looks at the reader and says, "I think the answer is going to be 'no' to that second option."
Dogbert sits on a pillow watching tv. He thinks, "The more I watch television, the more I wonder why I'm not already supreme ruler of earth." Dogbert walks away thinking, "Those people are idiots. They should all drive over here and proclaim me their king." Dogbert returns to the pillow with a bag of potato chips and thinks, "The secret to happiness is high expectations and your own bag of chips."
Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "There . . . I've organized all of my tasks into 'A,' 'B' and 'C' priorities." Dilbert thinks, "The 'A' priorities aren't even worth doing. And the 'B' priority stuff would probably get me in trouble." Dilbert asks Wally, "Are you done with the stapler oil?" Wally holds up a polished stapler and says, "Thank goodness for 'C' priorities."
The Boss: We'll need a name for the newly reorganized department. The name should reflect how Ive seamlessly integrated engineering with food services and procurement. Dilbert: How about "chips and dips"? Wally: "Blind Ambition" Man: " The unled"
Dilbert says, "I made a nice avacado dip for us, Dogbert." Dogbert sits on the hassock holding a bag of potato chips. He says, "I hate avacados." Dilbert sits in his chair and asks, "How do you know, if you haven't tried them?" Dogbert says, "How do you know you don't like cramming potato chips up your nose? YOU've never tried THAT." Dilbert replies, "Fair enough . . . I can't dispute your logic." Dilbert says, "If you try the dip, I'll cram potato chips up my nose." Dogbert says, "Deal." Dogbert tries the dip and says, "Hmm . . . Good." Dilbert stuffs chips up his nose and repeats, "Ouch . . . Ouch . . ." Dilbert says, "Id feelth aboud like I thoughd id would." Dogbert says, "I lied. I've liked avacados for years."
Tina stands behind Asok's desk and says, "You're invited to a four-hour meeting, Asok." Asok looks at the agenda and says, "Tina, it would seem that all of your meetings have no purpose other than to provide you with a surrogate social life." Tina asks, "Can you bring chips?" Asok says, "I wish, I wish, I wish I had a spine."
Ratbert sits on the hassock eating potato chips. Dogbert says, "Hi, Ratbert, may I have some chips?" Ratbert answers, "No, sorry. There are only enough for one." Dogbert asks, "Did you hear about the latest brain research?" Dogbert says, "Science has proven that the part of the brain responsible for conscious thought doesn't show any stimulation until AFTER you act." Dogbert continues, "That means you never make conscious decisions; all you do is rationalize what you've done after the fact." Dogbert continues, "Your life is nothing but a series of absurd rationalizations for the random interaction of chemicals in your brain." Ratbert starts blinking. Ratbert falls over, drops the bag of chips and screams, "Aaagh!!! My life is absurd!!" Dogbert sits on the hassock eating the chips. He says, "That was mean, but aruguably I couldn't control myself."
The boss: Your proposal doesn't address the alternatives. Dilbert: There aren't any reasonable alternatives. The boss: There are always alternatives! Give me alternatives!! No wonder nothing gets done around here - not enough alternatives. typing: "we could lobby the government to give tax breaks to all idiot run businesses" "I could quit this stupid job and start a new career handing out towels at the gym" "Or we could use cow chips instead of microchips and save millions" The Boss: whats a cow chip? Dilbert: This job would be an example.