One Person Comic Strips
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1000 Results for One Person
View 1 - 10 results for one person comic strips. Discover the best "One Person" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday June 02,
2000
Tags #every person, #on earth, #one person, #the entire world, #tibetan monks, #ugly website
Transcript
The Boss says to Ming, "Ming, everyone says our website is ugly." Ming replies, "Really? Every person on earth said that? Even Tibetan monks?" The Boss meekly answers, "Maybe it was just one person." Ming asked, "And you confused him with the entire planet?"
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday November 07,
2003
Tags #lazy rich, #new product, #rebate, #1 million, #banking on forgetting, #great bargain, #one person
Transcript
Dogbert: "Don't sell your new product for $29. Offer it at $1,000,029 with a rebate of $1,000,000." "People will think it's a great bargain when in fact it's just a huge inconvenience." The Boss: "And all we need is one person to forget to mail in the rebate forms." Dogbert: "We'll target the lazy rich."
Sunday September 15,
1991
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #co-worker, #john smith, #watch, #television, #cable, #america's most wanted, #wedgies, #entire, #town, #person, #victims, #wedgied, #own, #homes, #show, #adjust, #picture, #exactly, #invite, #people
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Dogbert, this is my new co-worker, John Smith." The man with Dilbert says, "Yo." Dogbert says, "Yo." Dilbert says, "I invited him over to watch television. He doesn't have cable yet." Dilbert, Dogbert and John sit on the couch watching tv. The announcer says, "Next on 'America's Most Wanted.'" The host of the program says, "This man gave 'wedgies' to an entire town, one person at a time." There is a picture of John on the tv screen. The host continues, "The victims were wedgied in their own homes, usually while watching this show." John asks, "Can you lean over and adjust that picture?" Dilbert replies, "Sure." Dogbert says, "They don't even explain what a wedgie is." John reaches for Dilbert's pants. Dilbert's underwear has been pulled over his head. He tells Dogbert, "This is exactly why I don't invite people over more often."
Sunday December 18,
1994
Tags #dogbert teaches math, #cut staff, #bonus worth, #expense requiremnets, #calculated, #budget, #multiply by one, #doctor, #flashlight, #projections come from, #medical
Transcript
The caption says, "Dogbert teaches business math." Dogbert points to a diagram of an equation. A picture of Wally, Dilbert and Alice illustrates the equation, "Grunts equals zero." The caption says, "#1. Any job that can be done by two people . . ." The Boss stands behind two people. The caption continues, ". . . Can be done by one person for half the cost." The Boss yanks one of the workers out of his chair. The caption says, "#2. A bonus today is worth more than . . ." The Boss holds a large bag of money. The caption continues, ". . . The whole company tomorrow." An office building has a closed sign on it. The caption says, "#3. Your expense requirements for December can be calculated . . ." The Boss sits at his desk writing on a piece of paper. The caption continues, ". . . By taking what's left in the budget and multiplying by one." A delivery person asks the Boss, "Giraffe goes where?" Dogbert says, "Next week, a doctor with a flashlight shows us where sales projections come from."
Thursday November 25,
2004
Tags #off color email, #75 poeple, #thought funny, #one compalined, #punished, #sensible, #punish complainer
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert: "I understand that you forwarded an off-color e-mail to many people." "Seventy-Five people thought it was funny but one person complained, so you must be punished." "Wouldn't it make more sense to punish the freak who complained?" "Do I look sensible?"
Wednesday January 08,
2003
Tags #alice, #mulitask, #one person, #schedule, #second task, #two task, #write a patch, #timeline
Transcript
The Boss: How do I make this software schedule one persons to two task at the same time? I can write a patch that inserts new months in the timeline. The Boss: and the second task is due on the fifteenth of Floopuary.
Saturday January 09,
2021
Bribe One Judge
Tags #business, #business ethics, #consumer, #lawsuit, #assignment, #judge, #bribe, #lawyer, #insult
Transcript
dogbert to boss: you have over seven hundred consumer lawsuits filed against you. if i can get them all assigned to the same judge, you only have to bribe one person. boss: are you even a lawyer? dogbert: heavens, no, and i didn't come here to be insulted.
Wednesday February 23,
1994
Tags #potluck lunch, #bring bags, #salt, #ice, #beverage, #mineral water
Transcript
Alice: We've reached a new low in the 'potluck lunch' sign-up. Twelve people signed up to bring bags of ice and one person is bringing slat. I need one of you at least bring a beverage. Wally: Put me down for one bag of sparkling mineral water.
Sunday February 25,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #computer, #a.d. 2190, #bobby, #exploded
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a desk. Dilbert says, "I programmed the computer to predict what people will be like in 200 years." Dogbert asks, "What assumptions are you making?" Dilbert replies, "It's based on trends in today's youth." Dilbert explains, "For example, we know that science skills are declining, more kids are overweight, and selfishness is rising." In the year 2190, three huge people float in midair. One person says, "I heard that Bobby exploded." Another replies, "I wonder why that keeps happening." The third person says, "Who cares? More for us."
Sunday December 07,
1997
Tags #weekly, #wally status report, #process pride, #impact on earnings, #pride in results, #high level, #morale, #pride in process
Transcript
The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conferance table. Wally says, "It is my pleasure to present the weekly 'Wally status report'." Wally says, "This week I developed what I call 'process pride'." Wally says, "It all started when I realized that I have no impact on earnings." Wally says, "Obviously I can't take pride in the RESULTS of my work." Dilbert says, "Obviously." Wally says, "But I need pride. Otherwise, how could Imantain my high level of morale?" Wally says, "So I learned to take pride in my processes instead of my results." Wally says, "Everything I do is still pointless. But I am very proud of the way I do it." The Boss says, "Is that all you did this week?" Wally says, "Hey, I'm only one person."