Dilbert sits with Ted at a table. Dilbert hands Ted a piece of paper. Ted says, "I'm strongly opposed to your plan." Dilbert says, "You haven't read it." Ted says, "Oh, right. But now I'm emotionally invested in my opinion." Ted says, "This plan will never work!!!" Dilbert says, "That is the meeting agenda."
Boss: ... and that's our marketing plan for the coming year. Dilbert: Research shows that consumers reject this sort of approach. Boss: Research is stupid. Dilbert: Are you saying the studies on this particular topic are flawed? Or are you just generally opposed to science, rational thinking, and all manifestations of common sense. Boss: Stop being pedantic with your semantics. Catbert: Did you get buy-in? Boss: Yes, in the sense that they stopped talking.
As he drives his car, Dilbert wonders, "Gee, how could anybody be opposed to building more roads?" Dilbert continues, "Every time I see highway construction . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . Some protestor has already put up a sign." Dilbert drives past an "End Construction" sign.
Dilbert sit in his chair watching television. A newscaster says, "The Canine Tax Rebate bill was passed by Congress today." The reporter continues, "The bill's author, Mister Dogbert, successfully pinned the label 'Dog Kicking Liberal on all who opposed him." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Was that ethical?" Dogbert replies as he writes on a pad of paper, "Tha-a-at's it. You're on the list."
The Boss: You've exceeded your e-mail storage allocation on the server again.
Alice: Thats because I od real work as opposed to walking around with a piece of paper.
The boss: Its not a piece of paper: its a document!
Alice: I can't hear you over the ousted of my real work.
"You have a pattern of raising no objections to plans and later acting as if you opposed them from the start." "I hope to thwart you by asking you to sign off on this plan in writing." "Ooh, if only you had asked me before my hands got stuck in these coffee mugs."
Catbert: Wally, I have to fire you for posting a comic comparing managers to drunken lemurs. You won't be eligible for unemployment benefits unless you can prove you were stupid as opposed to malicious.
Can you prove you're stupid?
Wally: Is thereanother explanation for working here?"
the boss says, "The company urges all of you to e-mail your congressman and support the bill that gives us pork projects." Dilbert says, "If that bill becomes law, it will, in effect, transfer my tax money to you executives for your next obscene bonuses." The Boss says, "Don't you own company stock in your retirement account?" Dilbert says, "No, I'm only dumb enough to work here."
Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC.
Dilbert: NPC?
Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going?
NPC: Not bad for a Monday.
Boss: Can you help me on my project?
NPC: I am too busy:
Boss: What do you think of management?
NPC: They are all dumb.
Wally: I just bonded with that thing.
Boss: See how fast you get used to it?
