Optimize Comic Strips

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7 Results for Optimize

View 1 - 7 results for optimize comic strips. Discover the best "Optimize" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #highly fragmented, #optimize heard drive, #vague, #one gig hard drive, #pentium processor

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Dilbert walks into the office building carrying a laptop computer in a case. A security guard with a huge head says to Dilbert, "Halt and submit to the mind scan of 'Brainitor, the Guardian of Security.'" Brainitor closes his eyes, puts his hands on his head and says, "The bag contains one computer . . . 'Pentium' processor . . . one gig hard drive . . . highly fragmented . . ." Brainitor continues, "Please wait while I optimize your hard disk . . ." Dilbert says, "This is vaguely unsettling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gigantic database, #customer behavior, #information, #non linear math, #data mining technology, #optimize retail channels, #spam, #meeting here

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "We have a gigantic database full of customer behavior information." Dilbert says, "Excellent. We can use non-linear math and data mining technology to optimize our retail channels!" The Boss says to Dilbert, "If that's the same thing as spam, we're having a good meeting here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vendor, #integrates, #resources, #optimize, #performance, #technology, #integrated

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Headline: The Vendor That Couldn't Describe His Company's Product. A salesman says, "It integrates the resources..." The salesman continues, "To optimize the performance of technology." Dilbert asks, "Yeah, but what is it?" The salesman responds, "Hey, if you don't want your resources to be integrated, just say so."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mapped and gapped, #consolidate, #program of work, #maximize synergy, #capture and optimize, #resource utilization, #requirements

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Wally: "This week I mapped and gapped the requirements to consolidate everything into a program of work..." "...to maximize synergy capture and optimize our resource utilization." "If any of that sounded like work, I'll do some more of it next week."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #question, #nonsense, #optimize, #value stream, #surprise, #talk, #listening

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Wally says, "Are you leveraging our resources to optimize the client value stream?" Asok says, "What?" Wally says, "I'm just messing with you? Nothing I say in meetings actually means anything." Asok says, "Then why do you talk?" Wally says, "I tried listening once. It was awful."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #great 3 hour meeting, #strategic core issues, #gibberish

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It's been a great three-hour meeting but I have one question. Can a business - led project management process optimize our static core issues? Was that gibberish? I thought thats what we are doing.

Alice Takes On More Work

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Alice Takes On More Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #workload, #philosophy, #semantics

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Alice: Why do I keep taking on more work while you do noting? Wally: That's because you optimize for productivity, while I optimize for my happiness. Alice: That makes you a freeloader. Wally: I prefer the label "happy winner."