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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2012's comic on:


Tags #disc jockeys, #protest movements, #threatening boycott, #dogcart insulted, #organic substance

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Dilbert: Customers are threatening to boycott us if we continue to advertise on Dogbert's radio show. Dogbert insulted every man, woman, child and organic substance in the known universe. He called the moon something that rhymes with totem. Boss: Modem?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #big business, #children drawing & painting, #executives, #chalky substance, #layers of mangement, #new layers, #p, #avp, #director, #doplphon, #inanimate object

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CEO: I'm adding a few layers of management below me. The new layers are VP, AVP, Director, dolphin, inanimate object, and chalky substance. If you have any issue, I encourage you to talk to the chalky substance.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fraternization, #bad haircut, #poor font choice, #hand sanitizer, #substance over style

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Alice: I'm judging the quality of your business case by your bad haircut and your poor font choice. I plan to use a quart of hand sanitizer when I'm done touching your document. Man: I value substance over style. Alice: How's that working out?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #abducted, #aliens, #hypnotized, #dark, #room, #row, #seats, #popcorn, #substance, #feet, #disgusted, #dollars, #enter, #ship, #suppressed, #memory

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Dilbert sits at a table with Dogbert and says, "I didn't remember being abducted by aliens until you hypnotized me. But now I remember they looked like 'E.T.'" Dilbert looks at a drawing and continues, "I remember being in a dark room with rows of seats. They fed us a popcorn-like substance. My feet were stuck to the floor." Dilbert continues, "I recall being disgusted that they charged me six dollars to enter the ship." Dogbert says, "That's why you suppressed the memory."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 1994's comic on:


Tags #c computer lamguage, #black hole, #light can't escape, #field gravity, #ideas, #escape, #lack substance

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"No, 'C' is a computer language, not the grade for my project." "What's happening?" "He turned into a black hole, so dense that light cannot escape his field of gravity." "Ping" "Unfortunately, only his ideas can escape the gravity because they lack substance." "What if you program in 'B'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #bring to read, #book of tips, #new computer golf game, #reading book, #computer simulation, #almost sport, #non organic life form, #driving little cart

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Liz and Dilbert are seated beneath a tree reading books. She asks him, "What did you bring to read?" Dilbert responds, "It's a book of tips for my new computer golf game." Liz comments, "So . . . you're reading a book . . . about a computer simulation . . . of an activity that's ALMOST a sport . . ." Liz continues, "That's about as close as you can get to being a non-organic life form." Dilbert says, "This chapter is about driving the little cart."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 1999's comic on:


Tags #hyper inflated stock, #real value, #hype triumphs substance, #moral compass, #spinning

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Dogbert and Ratbert are sitting in front of each other. Dogbert says: "Now I'll use my hype-inflated stock to buy companies that have a real value." Dogbert tells Ratbert: "The lesson is that hype always triumphs over substance." Dogbert says to Ratbert: "How's your moral compass doing?" Ratbert answers: "Spinning, just like you said it would!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2001's comic on:


Tags #never thought, #organic pain, #racing toward oblivion, #self delusion, #key to happiness

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, "The key to happiness is self-delusion." Dobert says to Dilbert, "Don't think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion." Dilbert says, "I've never had that thought... Until now." Dogbert says, "Don't blame me; I said don't."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2002's comic on:


Tags #man without substance, #use buzzwords, #sell solutions, #not products

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At a meeting, M.T. says, "Hi, I'm M.T. Suit. I'm a man without substance." Alice looks at him nervously. M.T. continues, "I compensate by using buzzwords and attending meetings." M.T. continues, "We need to sell solutions, not products!" The Boss thinks, "I like his style."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2013's comic on:


Tags #coffee, #coffee & tea, #energy source, #laziness, #organic devices, #plant seeds

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Wally: This week I tested a source of energy that can power organic devices. It's made from plant seeds and water. Boss: Is the energy source called coffee? Wally: Let's talk about Dilbert's project. I hear it's a mess.