Ours Strategy Mergers Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

193 Results for Ours Strategy Mergers

View 1 - 10 results for ours strategy mergers comic strips. Discover the best "Ours Strategy Mergers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1996's comic on:

Tags #abandon startegy, #making good products, #ours strategy mergers, #business spin offs, #random reorgozations, #accelerate, #stock price, #fruitless partnerships

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss reads a document and tells Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "The company announced that we will 'abandon our strategy of making good products . . .'" The Boss continues, "From now on we'll 'pursue a desperate strategy of mergers, business spin-offs, fruitless partnerships and random reorganizations.'" The Boss reads, "And we'll accelerate our program of paying the good employees to leave." Dilbert asks Wally, "Stock price?" Wally looks at his monitor and replies, "Up three points."

Strategy To Get What You Deserve

Thank you for voting.
Strategy To Get What You Deserve - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2015's comic on:

Tags #Promotion, #recognition, #strategy, #business, #competition

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I didn't get the promotion I deserve. Alice: What strategy did you use? Tina: Who uses a strategy to get what they deserve? Alice: Maybe you should ask the person who got your job. She sounds smart.

Strategy Document

Thank you for voting.
Strategy Document - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 2016's comic on:

Tags #strategy, #obliviousness, #insult

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I saw your email about destroying the company. Boss: Huh? The only email I sent you was my strategy for the coming year. Dilbert: Well, maybe I read it too fast.

Strategy Is To Nimble And Agile

Thank you for voting.
Strategy Is To Nimble And Agile - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2018's comic on:

Tags #nimble, #agile, #logic, #questioning, #strategy, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our strategy is to be nimble and agile. Dilbert: Do other companies have a strategy of being clumsy and slow? Catbert: How'd the new strategy rollout go? Boss: They ruined it with questions.

Lack Of Strategy

Thank you for voting.
Lack Of Strategy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2019's comic on:

Tags #managers & supervisors, #strategy, #business, #company, #employees, #nothing

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: once again, it seems you accomplished absolutely nothing this week wally: no on will tell me our company's strategy, so anything i did would be random flailing boss: a lack of strategy isn't keeping anyone else from working wally: but shouldn't it?

Dilbert Characters

Old Strategy

Thank you for voting.
Old Strategy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2020's comic on:

Tags #managers & supervisors, #meeting, #business, #strategy, #products, #sell, #fair, #price, #new

View Transcript

Transcript

boss in meeting: our new strategy is to make great products and sell them at a fair price. dilbert: what was our old strategy? boss: i'd rather not say.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2011's comic on:

Tags #contracts, #relations between the sexes, #Women, #ignorantly signed, #legal strategy, #affadavit, #attractive women, #have cooties

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "The contract that you ignorantly signed gives them the right to harvest your organs." Man says, "Your best legal strategy is to get sworn affidavits from attractive women saying you have cooties." Woman says, "Heck yes, I'll sign it." Dilbert says, "I was hoping this would be harder."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2012's comic on:

Tags #conversation, #exit strategy, #serial talker, #infinite unrelated, #engineers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Talk to Allen about this. Dilbert: I'll need an exit strategy. He's a serial talker. I'll be trapped for hours while he strings together infinite, unrelated stories. Boss: Engineers have weird problems. Dilbert: What could I eat that would make me puke in ten minutes?

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2012's comic on:

Tags #money, #budget, #last year objectives, #huge loss, #bottomline, #punish siuccess, #startegy, #management

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We've been asked to cut our budget by 30%. Dilbert: That doesn't make sense. We met all of our objectives last year. Boss: A different part of our company had a huge loss. Dilbert: Shouldn't you cut their budget, not ours? Boss: Their budget isn't big enough to make a difference to the bottom line. Dilbert: So our strategy is to punish success, and reward failure? Boss: Just do your job and leave the strategy to management. Dilbert: Hypothetically, if I do my job poorly, would that be good or bad for me?

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 1992's comic on:

Tags #friendship, #strategy, #Dogbert, #financial, #advisor, #live, #lifelong, #bond, #trust, #money, #churn

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert answers the door and a man in a suit says, "Hi! I want to be your financial advisor." The man continues, "I've come to live with you. We'll eventually form a lifelong bond of trust and friendship." Dogbert says angrily, "I liked better when you guys just took our money." The man says, "I recommend a strategy called 'Churn.'"