Owe Employer Comic Strips
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Character
36 Results for Owe Employer
View 1 - 10 results for owe employer comic strips. Discover the best "Owe Employer" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday February 06,
1995
Tags #ethical question, #telecommuting, #owe employer, #saving planet, #not driving, #meeting, #business
Transcript
Dogbert sits at Dilbert's desk at home. Dilbert stands in front of the desk holding a cup of coffee and dressed in a bathrobe. Dilbert says, "I have an ethical question about telecommuting, Dogbert." Dilbert continues, "Do I owe my employer eight productive hours, or do I only need to match the two productive hours I would have in the office?" Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the desk chair together. Dogbert answers, "Well, when you factor in how you're saving the planet by not driving, you only owe one hour." Dilbert adds, "And this meeting counts."
Friday December 27,
2019
Employer Of The Year
Tags #advertising, #managers & supervisors, #employer, #year, #million dollars, #attitude, #business
Transcript
boss: i'm proud to announce that we've been named "employer of the year." dilbert: how much did that cost? boss: nothing! all we had to do was buy a million dollars' worth of ads. dilbert: did we need those ads? boss: you won't win any awards with that attitude.
Thursday May 09,
1996
Tags #Dogbert, #career counselor, #expect employer, #don't expect raises, #trained pension, #sourball, #marbles, #cellophane
Transcript
Wally sits across from Dogbert's desk. Dogbert says, "You can't expect your employer to take care of you forever, Wally." Dogbert continues, "Don't expect raises, don't expect to be trained and don't expect a pension." Wally reaches for a jar on the desk and says, "That's depressing. I need a sourball." Dogbert says, "Those are marbles wrapped in cellophane."
Sunday March 15,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #tax, #perparation, #help, #math, #classes, #inadequacies, #taxes, #deviation, #cosine, #depreciation, #polynormail, #owe, #preparer, #confusion
Transcript
Dogbert sits at a desk under a sign that says, "Tax Preparation $5.00." A man enters the office and says, "I need some help . . ." Dogbert says, "Sit down." The man says, "I always fooled around during math classes. Now I can't do my own taxes." Dogbert looks at the form and says, "We can prattle about your inadequacies later." Dogbert says as he fills out the form, "I'll do your taxes and talk at the same time so you really feel dumb." Dogbert continues, "Hmm . . . Simply multiply the standard deviation of the cosine of your depreciation and integrate the resulting polynomial . . . There." Dogbert continues, "According to this, you owe your tax preparer an additional two thousand dollars." A pile of money sits on Dogbert's desk. Dogbert says to the reader, "Confusion - it works for the IRS and it can work for you."
Thursday December 09,
1999
Tags #website, #various sponcers, #pay for eyeballs, #link to us, #owe ourselves, #billion dollars, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert, Ming,the new web employee, and the boss are sitting at a table. Ming has a sheet of paper on the table. Ming says: "I linked our web site to various sponsors who pay us for eyeballs." Ming says:"Those sponsors link to other web sites who link to us." Ming says to the boss:"The net-net at the end of the day is we owe ourselves a billion dollars." The boss thinks: "eyeballs?", while expressing disgust.
Friday October 25,
2019
Work Life Balance
Tags #business, #interviewee, #interview, #employer, #company, #healthy, #work, #life, #balance, #victim
Transcript
boss: tell me what you are looking for in an employer interviewee in suit: i want a company that appreciates a healthy work-life balance. boss: you have a bit of a victim vibe interviewee: i was hoping that didn't show
Thursday June 02,
2011
Tags #absurdly complicated, #financial model, #absenteeism, #error, #excel sheet, #stock holders, #poison cafeteria
Transcript
CEO: according to your absurdly complicated finical model, we can double revenue by increasing absenteeism. To be fair, there might be an error or two in the excel spreadsheet. CEO: Maybe , but I think I owe it to our stockholders to poison the cafeteria just to be sure,
Friday August 18,
1989
Tags #Dogbert, #robot dog, #devil, #master, #invention
Transcript
Dogbert says to Dilbert, "What do you mean you built a robot dog?!! You can't replace me!!" Dilbert says, "Calm down Dogbert." A robot dog comes up behind Dogbert and barks. Dogbert jumps and yells, "Aaaghh!! The devil dog! Help! Help!" The robot dog stands on his hind legs and says, "I was created to serve your every need, Master Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Okay, he can stay. But you owe me one."
Monday October 08,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #alive, #Dogbert, #servant, #ancient, #Dogs, #banana split
Transcript
Dilbert, who is naked, picks Dogbert up and says, "I'm alive!! I owe my life to you, Dogbert, for cloning me in the nick of time." Dogbert says, "According to ancient dog tradition, you must be my servant for life." Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a counter in a restaurant. Dogbert says, "Don't tell the ancient dogs I settled for a banana split."
Sunday May 03,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #clerk, #deliberately, #eat, #plates, #technically, #waste, #lawyer, #services, #department
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert walk out of a restaurant. The sign in the window says, "All you can eat $7.00." A man yells, "Hey! Stop!" The waiter says, "You owe us another $14." The waiter continues, "You deliberately put more than you could eat on your plates." The man continues, "Technically, our agreement is 'all you can eat,' not 'all you can waste.'" The man thinks, "Mom wanted me to be a lawyer, but I said, 'No, food services is where I'm needed.'" Dilbert says, "I believe this is your department, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Technically, it's all you CAN eat, not all you DO eat." The man thinks, "Ooh . . . He's good."