Paid For Nothing Comic Strips

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516 Results for Paid For Nothing

View 1 - 10 results for paid for nothing comic strips. Discover the best "Paid For Nothing" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #computer, #minutes, #paid, #ripping, #evil, #corporate, #empire, #power, #secret, #myself, #nothing

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Dilbert sits at his desk and thinks, "Hey, I haven't done a thing for minutes and yet I still get paid." Dilbert clenches his fists and thinks, "Hoo-hoo-ha! I'm ripping off the evil corporate empire and there's nothing they can do about it! I have total power!" Dilbert thinks, "I'd better keep this little secret to myself." Another employee sits in his cubicle thinking, "Hey, I'm getting paid for doing nothing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career scuccess, #babbling jargon, #special gift, #paid for nothing, #lead by example

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Boss: The key to career success is finding your special gift. Wally: My special gift is getting paid for doing nothing but babbling jargon. Boss: Maybe I should lead by example. Wally: Maybe you already did.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticize coworkers, #look smart, #nuts, #dogbert therapist, #weekly sessions, #run out of money, #vure, #therapy, #paid by hour, #fasle memory, #aliens, #psychology

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Ed lies in the therapy bed and tells Dogbert, " I criticize my co-workers to make myself look smart." Dogbert says, "Apparently it isn't working." Ed asks, "What do you mean by that?" Dogbert replies, "Nothing. Oooh. That reminds me to add nuts to my grocery list." Dogbert says, "I recommend that we have weekly sessions until you run out of money." Ed asks, "Can you cure me?" Dogbert replies, "No, I'm paid by the hour. I'll give you problems you've never even heard of." Dogbert says, "We have a few minutes today. Would you like a false memory?" Ed replies, "Maybe something with aliens?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rated good, #you're not good, #company policy, #fire anyone, #hiring freeze, #get paid

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The Boss: "Wally, I'm rating you "good" but not because you are." "Company policy says I have to fire anyone rated lower than good, and the hiring freeze means it would shrink my empire." "So you can get paid for doing nothing as long as you don't kill anyone." wally: "I can't promise that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #happiness, #tasks, #people, #commute, #paid less, #nothing about job, #psychology

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Dilbert: I like my job. But I don't like any of the tasks... or any of the people... I don't like the commute... and I'm paid less than I'm worth... and I'm not making the world a better place. Dogbert: Are you sure you like your job? Dilbert: Why do you ask?

Alice Is Highest Paid Engineer

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Alice Is Highest Paid Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discrimination, #money, #salary, #sexism, #violence, #wages, #Women, #highest paid, #sciccors, #mallet, #reputation

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Alice: I'm the highest-paid engineer in the department now. Dilbert: Does it have anything to do with those scissors, the mallet, and your reputation for violence? Alice: Would you ask a man that question? Dilbert: Gaaa!!! It's like a super-power!

Ceo Gets Paid More For Creating Nothing

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Ceo Gets Paid More For Creating Nothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #small talk, #conversation, #criticism, #executives, #salary, #wages, #fairness, #offense, #offend, #money

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Dilbert: Do you ever think it's weird that you get paid a hundred times more than me? I invented our core technology. All you did was interview better than a few other people who didn't invent anything. I'm not good at small talk. CEO: I would totally fire you if I could invent things.

Still Get Paid

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Still Get Paid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #colleagues, #unreliable, #false, #true, #paid, #process, #believe, #sarcasm

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tina: i've been keeping a running list, and it seems that 100% of the things you told me this year have been false. wally: and we both got paid, so what's your point? tina: i...don't know how to process that. wally: i'd tell you, but apparently you wouldn't believe me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #questioning, #suspicion, #schedule meetings, #excuse, #do nothing, #disbelief, #scheduling meetings, #business

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Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask Carol to help me schedule these meetings? Boss: Ooh... that's no good. She'd use it as an excuse to do absolutely nothing else for a week. Dilbert: Is it okay if I just stare at you in disbelief? Boss: Shouldn't you be scheduling some meetings?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #costs compared to alternatives, #doing nothing, #expensive plan, #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #business

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The Boss says, "I can't sign off on this plan. It's too expensive." Man says, "You heard me say that doing nothing will end up costing you twice as much, right?" The Boss says, "Yes." Man says, "And you understand that this is your only alternative?" The Boss says, "I have another meeting. Maybe Dilbert can explain it to you." Dilbert says, "Um... okay. I'll try." Dilbert says, "My boss doesn't understand that costs should be compared to alternatives." Dilbert says, "Oh." Dilbert says, "Teamwork means you can't pick the side that's right."