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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 1997's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #mutual fund, #past performance, #no indication, #future perfromance, #strategy, #entire investment, #personal expenses, #talking to wall

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Dogbert sits behind a large desk. He says to a potential investor, "As you know, past performance is no indication of future performance." Dogbert continues, "So my strategy is to use your entire investment for my personal expenses and see what happens." The investor says, "Has that strategy ever worked before?" Dogbert says, "Geez, it's like I'm talking to a wall here."

Asok Loses Money On Boss's Advice

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Asok Loses Money On Boss's Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2015's comic on:

Tags #Advice, #experience, #stock market, #lost savings, #past perfromance, #further returns, #money

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Asok: I followed your investment advice and lost all of my savings in the stock market. Boss: Did I mention that past performance is not an indication of future returns. Asok: Then... how does "advice" actually work? Boss: It only works for the people that give it.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 1995's comic on:

Tags #predicted success, #salaries, #die in stapler mishap, #disagree, #precition, #Opinion, #analysis, #science

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The Boss hands Dilbert a sheet of paper and says, "From now on, salaries will be based on your predicted success, not your past performance." While Dilbert reads the report, the Boss says, "We ran a computer model against your education and DNA information. We predict you'll die in a stapler mishap within a week." Dilbert asks, "What if I disagree with this prediction?" The Boss points at Dilbert and says, "Write up your opinion and staple it to the analysis."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2013's comic on:

Tags #deception, #stock market, #hedge fund compnay, #investment fund, #misleading claims, #3 week period, #money

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Dogbert: The best way to evaluate an investment fund is to look at its misleading claims of past performance. The Dogbert Hedge Fund beat the market average for a three-week period... that one time. Boss: Can you do that again? Dogbert: It depends on what you mean by "that." ----

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 1997's comic on:

Tags #annual performance review, #past two weeks, #vacation, #two weeks, #spread motivation

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The Boss hands Tina the Tech Writer a document. He says, "Here's you annual performance review, Tina." The Boss continues, "I focused on your performance for the past two weeks because I don't remember anything farther back." Tina screams, "I was on VACATION for the past two weeks!!!" The Boss replies, "No time to chat. I need to spread some motivation over here."

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It's Easier If We Don't Try To Link Performance And Outcomes

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It's Easier If We Don't Try To Link Performance And Outcomes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2015's comic on:

Tags #performance, #reward, #consequences, #consequence, #result, #outcome, #logic, #reasoning, #laziness, #work ethic

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Boss: So don't let that happen again. Dilbert: It wasn't my fault and you know it. Boss: It's easier if we don't try to link performance and outcomes. Dilbert: I'll try. It was hard at first, but now I'm totally stress-free. Wally: I just got a 30% raise.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2011's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #suspicion, #features for product, #overstaffed, #spare time, #job description, #healthy raise, #highest performance rating

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Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2011's comic on:

Tags #employees, #unemployed, #job performance, #fire someone, #cubicle, #fired, #wake up call, #greatness, #business

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Boss: Dilbert, your job performance is terrific. Dilbert: GAAA!!! That's code for "I'm going to fire someone else and make you do two jobs." Boss: Yes, but it's still better to be you than the guy I'm going to fire. Dilbert: We don't know that! This might be the wake-up call that spurs him on to greatness while I work myself to death in this cubicle. Boss: There's no way to please some people. Ted, you're fired. Ted: YES!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #performance, #job, #pencils, #Right, #office

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Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "I decided to recognize you for your job performance." The Boss continues, "So I named one of my pencils after you." Dilbert says, "Gosh. Is that it right there?" The Boss replies, "No. That's my good pencil."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #vital, #performance, #stupider, #project, #high visibility, #country, #salute, #janitors' strike

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Your new project will be VITAL to the performance of this company!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "The more he talks it up the stupider the project must be." The Boss says, ". . . High visibility, a chance to excel and be noticed!" The Boss continues, "In fact, I stand to salute you for the job you will be doing! You're what makes this country great!!" Dilbert asks, "Does this have anything to do with the janitors' strike?"