Patient Comic Strips
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10 Results for Patient
View 1 - 10 results for patient comic strips. Discover the best "Patient" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday October 20,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #doctor, #whacks, #knee, #patient, #crime, #society, #fault, #raise, #taxes, #feed, #poor, #stop, #nuclear, #research, #liberal, #normal, #life, #annoying, #parties
Transcript
Dogbert stands on a stool holding a reflex hammer. He says to the patient on the examining table, "Hold still while Doctor Dogbert whacks your knee." As Dogbert taps his knee, the man says, "Aak . . . Crime is society's fault . . . Raise taxes to feed the poor . . . Stop nuclear research . . . Save the . . ." The man covers his mouth. Dogbert says, "Apparently you're a knee-jerk liberal. You can live a normal life but you'll be annoying at parties."
Wednesday August 08,
1990
Tags #doctor, #doctor fishlips, #Dilbert, #police, #bold, #escape, #prison, #institutions
Transcript
Doctor Fishlips: Hello, Dilbert, this is Doctor Fishlips. I was wondering if you could come back for some X-rays. Dilbert: X-rays? Is that standard procedure a week after an appendectomy? Doctor Fishlips: A patient from the prison is missing... I'm told this isn't the first time, "Tiny Tom," has tried a bold escape,
Thursday August 09,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #police officer, #doctor fishlips, #alien, #escaped, #convict, #operation, #surgery
Transcript
Doctor Fishlips: A patient from the prison disappeared after your appendectomy. Police Officer: "Tiny tom," is a master of escape. We think he crawled into your torso during the operation. Dilbert: That's stupid. How would he get out? Police Officer: Ever see the movie, "Alien"?
Thursday August 20,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #marriage, #counselor, #fight, #squeeze, #tube, #toothpaste, #empty, #rug, #bottom, #hog, #blankets, #snort, #animal, #behavior, #pig
Transcript
Dogbert sits in a chair holding a pen and a pad of paper. Dogbert listens as a patient says, "We have a running fight over how to squeeze the tube of toothpaste." A man who is sitting next to a woman who looks like a pig says, "I like to squeeze it from the bottom. She prefers to empty the tube on the rug and roll around in it." Dogbert asks, "At night, does she 'hog' the blankets and snort?" The man replies, "Wow, it's like you know her."
Wednesday October 21,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #mild, #flu, #normally, #survive, #brief, #developed, #empathy, #die, #afford, #ambassador, #class, #service
Transcript
Dogbert says to a patient on the examining table, "You have a mild flu, and normally you would survive." Dogbert continues, "However, in this brief visit I've developed no real empathy for you, so I've decided to let you die." The man asks, "Is there anything I can do?!" Dogbert replies, "Well . . . Unless you can afford my new 'Ambassador Class' service."
Thursday June 05,
1997
Tags #Dogbert, #bearer, #bad news, #doctor, #six months to live, #nose job, #mix up, #hospital, #medical
Transcript
A man lies in a hospital bed with a bandage on his nose. Dogbert stands on the bed and says, "Your doctor asked me to tell you that you have six months to live." The patient says, "There must be a mistake. I'm here for a nose job." Dogbert checks a document and says, "Oh, you're right . . . I wondered why that last guy was so happy when I told him he'd have one huge nostril for the next forty years."
Thursday April 24,
2003
Tags #coffee rehadb, #rip beard, #death, #state name, #coffee addicting withdrawl, #sleeping, #mean, #nasty, #cutting, #violent, #falls asleep, #medical
Transcript
Headline: Coffee Rehab. A man stands at a podium and says, "State your name and how long you've been without coffee." The audience is asleep except for one angry patient who says, "I am going to rip off your little beard and beat you to death with it." The man at the podium thinks to himself, "Don't panic... wait... wait...." The angry patient continues, "And then I'll... um... zzzzzzz, zzzzz, zzz."
Tuesday March 02,
2010
Tags #meeting, #victor, #project, #smooth, #no problems, #yell, #angry, #upset, #mouth open, #goat head, #patient, #apologize, #business, #medical
Transcript
The Boss says, "Are you having any problems taking over Victor's project?" Dilbert says, "Nope. Smooth sailing so far." Asok says, "Smooth??? It gave me a goat head!!!" Dilbert says, "He asked if I had any problems. Wait for your turn, Asok." Asok says, "Sorry."
Thursday May 22,
2014
Tags #live under bridge, #subordinates, #troll dna, #mother issues, #therapy, #therapist, #shrink, #patient, #couch, #pad and pen, #medical, #psychology
Transcript
None of my subordinates are supportive. I don't know why. Perhaps they're sensing that you have troll DNA. Um... What? Did your mom ever live under a bridge?
Sunday November 29,
2020
Dogbert Does Telemedicine
Tags #business, #technology, #telemedicine, #time, #doctor, #health, #pain, #rake, #leaves, #medicine
Transcript
dogbert: i started doing telemedicine in my spare time. Dilbert: don't you need to be a doctor to do that? dogbert: technically, yes. but i found a workaround. dilbert: which is? dogbert: i tell people i'm a doctor. patient: doctor, i have a sharp pain in the back of my thigh. dogbert: are you sitting on a rake? patient: that's a weird question. oh. wait, i am. what should i do? dogbert: try picking up leaves with your hands.