Pay To Leave Comic Strips
560 Results for Pay To Leave
View 1 - 10 results for pay to leave comic strips. Discover the best "Pay To Leave" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share May 10, 2013's comic on:
Boss: Employees are in a furor over our new policy and banning telecommuting. CEO: Really? You mean we found a way to make them stop obsessing over my pay package? Try canceling all maternity leave and see if it makes them stop talking about telecommuting.
Share July 01, 2014's comic on:
Boss: On the advice of our consultant, we're going to rewrite the CMS from scratch. Alice: How much did you pay the consultant for the same advice your employees gave you for free? Boss: I don't pay consultants for advice. I pay them to leave.
Share November 15, 1998's comic on:
The Boss holds up a piece of paper and says, "From now on, the organization chart will not be distributed." The Boss crumples up a piece of paper and says, "And the internal phone lists will be shredded." The Boss continues, "This will prevent headhunters from easily picking us clean." Wally asks, "Why would headhunters call US?" The Boss explains, "They want to steal you away and double your pay at another company." Wally says, "What makes you think we won't leave on our own anyway?" The Boss replies, "Because working here drains all your initiative." Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and says, "Let's prove him wrong." Dilbert says, "Yeah! I'm NOT shredding my phone list!"
Share December 01, 2010's comic on:
Dilbert says, "Amber, I'll pay you $500 a month to pretend to be my friend on Facebook." Dilbert says, "All you need to do is leave me a public message every once in a while." Amber says, "That would make me a?" Dilbert says, "Frienditute. But it's better if we don't name it."
Share January 27, 2014's comic on:
Catbert: Our big data analysis tells us that only the top performers leave for higher pay. Since you're still here, it means your performance is average at best. Dilbert: That's not fair! Catbert: That's what all the average people say.
Share January 31, 2011's comic on:
Asok says, "I thought my Elbonian kidnappers would hold me forever because you refused to pay the ransom." Asok says, "Then the Stockholm effect kicked in. I started identifying with my captors and beating myself." The Boss says, "And they let you go?" Asok says, "Apparently it looked contagious."
Share February 14, 2011's comic on:
CEO MONKEY: The media is asking if you'll take the pledge to give your fortune to charity. CEO: That pledge is for billionaires! I only have $200 million to leave to my heir! On a semi-relayted notem find out who keep putting monkey DNA in my clones test tube.
Share October 22, 2011's comic on:
CEO: I need you to bribe an Elbonian minister of commerce and leave no evidence that connects the crime to our company. Dogbert: The only way to do that is to bribe him and kill him at the same time. CEO: I did not think this through. Dogbert: And obviously I'll need to do you first.
Share December 04, 2011's comic on:
Russell: Gotta go. Carpool. Boss: Okay. See you tomorrow. Wally: I have to go too. Boss: Whoa! Sit back down. Wally: Why does the carpooler get to leave early? Boss: Carpoolers are like heroes that are saving the entire planet. You're more like a thief who is trying to steal time from the company. Wally: What if I hitch a ride home in the carpooler's trunk? That would make me a hero too. Boss: That sort of makes sense. Russell: I only pretend to have a carpool, but you're welcome to ride in my trunk. Wally: Deal!
Share December 13, 2011's comic on:
Boss: We're going into the tablet computer business. And by that I mean other companies will make the product and we'll design the logo. And by that I mean we'll pay another company to design the logo for us. Alice: Can we watch?